Hospital Fiascos + Hip Dysplasia | Lindsy's Birth Story

Meet Lindsy

You know what's right for your baby. You know what you feel in your heart, like, as to what you should do. And just everyone else can just shut up about it.

Preach, amen, yes!

Hey y'all, welcome to The Labor Line, a non-mom's authentic look into the birth experiences of her mom friends. I'm your host, Emily, and today my friend Lindsy is on the line with us. 

But before I introduce her, I have to take a quick second just to say thank you. Thank you so much for the love that we've already received on that first episode, and for the community that we're already building together over at the Instagram. I never would have imagined that there would be this much traction and energy and excitement just off of the first episode. I mean, it was an incredible story, but it's because of people like you who are sharing and engaging, that it's reaching more people, and our friend group is growing, which is the ultimate goal, right? Is just to bring in as many people as we can. And so I'm just so grateful for those of you who are commenting, sharing, liking, DMing, rating, reviewing, following, all the things that help us gain more friends and help these stories reach more people who it could potentially benefit. So I just again wanted to say thank you and invite you to follow along over on the Instagram @thelaborline. It is a good time over there, and I'm just so excited to see where this whole thing takes us. So without further ado, let me get back to Lindsy. 

Lindsy is another friend from my Trader Joe's family in Colorado. I honestly did not intend to put her and Kylie's stories so close to one another, but their pregnancies were only a few months apart, so their stories feel super, super intertwined in my mind. Lindsy and I would often work the early morning shifts together, and they usually put us on the bread section, so we would be stocking all the shells with the frozen bread and rocking it, and we had a ton of deep conversations during that time, so we became fast friends. She is an incredibly genuine person. She's super into rock climbing, hiking, working out, and traveling. Actually, she and her husband, Zach, are super adventurous and have spent a ton of time trekking around the US in their RV. She's also super physically strong. She was posting videos of herself doing pull ups at the gym only a few months postpartum, so she is a warrior goddess queen. She is also incredibly emotionally strong and resilient, as you'll see through all of the unexpected twists of her story. Today, she shares about her experience with an OB who basically ghosted her, as well as an unexpectedly breech baby and navigating his subsequent hip dysplasia. We are so grateful for her authenticity while sharing her story today. Lindsy's story is extra dear to me because I was actually her doula of sorts. 

In the first episode, I briefly hinted at the fact that I used to be a doula, and I won't go too deep into it because I know there will be other opportunities to talk more in depth about it. But just kind of as a sparknotes overview, I decided I wanted to be a doula in 2021. I was inspired by an incredible professor of mine. So shout out Stephanie if you're listening. I did the training course and started taking clients, but I soon realized that the life of being on call 24-7 was not for me. So I never officially finished my certification, but I was still super open to helping friends and family, but just kind of more as a casual support person. 

Okay, so fast forward a few years later, I meet Lindsy while working at Trader Joe's, and we come to find out that we have a mutual friend in Utah named Jess. Also, shout out Jess if you're listening too. Not long after that, Lindsy found out she was pregnant, and she told her friend Jess, and Jess said, oh, hey, I think Emily used to be a doula. You should talk to her. So, Lindsy and her husband decided to meet up with me at a Panera after work one day, and we just talked and talked for hours about their hopes for birth, about their anxieties about everything, what they wanted for their first moments as a family, and we were just totally vibing. So much so that they actually asked me to be there when their sweet baby Arlo was born. So, I was officially their unofficial doula, just there to be a support friend, and so about nine months later, I get the call at 3 a.m. that Lindsy's water broke and they were headed to the hospital. So, I told them, okay, yeah, just let me know when you're officially checked in and I'll head over. So, I got all ready and was sitting there waiting and without any spoilers, I'll just tell you, I ended up not making my way over to the hospital. They had some whirlwind of events that happened next, but I won't say anymore. I'll let her tell you herself. So, let's jump right into her story. 

Hi, Lindsy, thanks for being here. Tell us a little bit about yourself, about your cute family, what y'all have been up to.

Lindsy & Arlo

Yeah, hi. It's so good to see you again. My name is Lindsy, I'm 30, and really, as you know, or may not know, is kind of like my doula for my sweet baby boy last year, and really helped me with the anxiety of everything, by the way. So, thank you for that. But me and my husband, Zach, welcomed Arlo in a year ago tomorrow. And so far, it's been nothing short of amazing. With us and our dog, Otis, we've been trying to maneuver how to, you know, continue our outdoorsy lifestyle, and road tripping in an RV, and Arlo's just been absolutely amazing through all of it. And it's been a huge, you know, your life gets turned upside down when you have a baby, but we've been able to kind of figure out what works best for us, and we've been just feeling so lucky. I can't believe he's one already.

I am sure there's so many feelings that come with that milestone too. And so I'm excited to get to just reflect and celebrate the amazing journey that brought him here, and y'all just finished a huge RV trip, is that right?

He is a well-traveled baby, let me tell you. He has flown across country, from Colorado to Pennsylvania. He has driven from Colorado to Pennsylvania. But on our last road trip, we took about 10 days, and we made our way through Western Colorado and Utah, and down through Utah, through Southern Colorado. So just feels so lucky that we were able to do that together. It was kind of like a celebration of his first birthday, it kind of feels like.

Yeah, that is so awesome. I love seeing your Instagram stories about that, and I just love seeing all of the fun stuff that y'all do together, and just reminding all of us that life doesn't stop when you have a baby, you can just make it even more beautiful by including them. 

A Smooth, Unplanned Pregnancy

Well, let's talk a little bit about how you found out you were pregnant, what those first couple months were like. I know that it was a big transitional time for y'all during that.

Yeah, so we were back east with family, living, well, we drove an RV, and we were back east for our wedding, and we found out that almost a week after we got back east, I was like, I've been a little late, let me take some tests here, and found out I was pregnant, and I was like, oh my goodness. I'm getting married, and I don't even know, it was like two weeks. So I was like, this is a fun surprise. That could have been together for eight years before that, and I was just like, it's so funny, it would work out this way. It's so typical of us for something like that to happen. So that was fun maneuvering, like, oh my goodness, I'm pregnant, but I also have to think about finishing up the plans of my wedding and all this stuff. And then we were supposed to be moving to Washington after that in our RV. So we had this plan to move to Washington state, and at first we were like, should we still do it? And I was, I'm very stubborn, so I was like, no, the last thing I'm gonna have happen is have something throw us off of our plans, like, we'll be fine, let's just do it. Well, let's just say we spent one whole week in Washington, and we're like, absolutely not. So we moved back to Colorado, and I'm so thankful we did. I just, I honestly feel like Arlo was a driving force of us getting out of a situation that I feel like wouldn't have been the best for us. And not in like a bad way, like total bad way. It was just, when we got to Washington, I was like, the vibe is just not right, and like things just feel weird. And I was like, you know what, because I'm pregnant, let's just go back home. And I really feel like he saved us from something. I don't know why, but I do. So we moved back to Colorado and managed to just figure out our life again and get ready for our baby to come.

I feel like it takes a lot of courage to pivot and to trust your gut and to go back. And so, I don't know, I'm just glad that it feels connected back to each other now.

Yes, I was meant to have my little Colorado baby.

Yeah, that's perfect. How was pregnancy for you? Did you feel like it was better than you expected, worse? Did you not know what to expect? How was that for you?

I didn't know what to expect. It is just like a very, almost like freaky feeling of just being like, okay, like something's in there. Like, I feel it moving. Like, you know, it's almost, it's like an outer body experience. But I think I was very fortunate for my pregnancy and how easy it went for me and how I didn't have morning sickness. I didn't have any negative symptoms, really. The only thing that happened was he made my wisdom teeth come in, which I didn't even realize could happen during pregnancy. But because they, you know, suck your bones dry of your nutrients, they can allow your teeth to move. And so I was like, hello, there's a tooth back here. And they're like, oh yeah, it's cause you're pregnant. I was like, okay, that's so nice for me.

That is crazy. I mean, add it to the list, right? Like the random things that happen.

It really is. Yeah. I was told at like 21, like, oh, your bones and teeth are in, they're not going to move. I was like, okay, sweet. So I never got them removed. And here I am, like six months pregnant. And they're like, oh yeah, that's cause you're pregnant. Sorry. So, but other than that, I mean, I was able to work all the way up until like the week before. I think at that point, I was just kind of like, I'm just going to take my leave now because I'm tired of being on my feet. But I really didn't have to stop working. Like, I felt really good. It was mostly just like customers and coworkers yelling at me like, why are you here? Go home. You were nine months pregnant. Go home. Everyone would yell at me for carrying like a jar of pasta sauce. They're like, stop it. You have a baby. I'm like, I know, but I'm fine. I'm dead lifting at the gym, okay? I don't want to hear it.

That's awesome. No, I feel like that. I didn't, I think one of our coworkers worked the morning that she went in for her C-section that afternoon. And it's just like a thing. I don't know what it is about Trader Joe's. I guess everyone just likes being there too much. So tell me a little bit about, you know, the final weeks leading up to when you gave birth. You mentioned your hospital experience was a little different from what you had hoped. How were those last couple weeks for you?

Doctor Red Flags

So the last few weeks, I thought they were going really well. The reason I was disappointed with my OBGYN is because I had this woman that I researched, and I was like, she's the one I want. I was going to her. I went to her for, I think, two appointments, and then she had a family emergency and she left. But she was supposed to be coming back. They kept putting me with a PA, and she was kind of a rough around the edges kind of lady. I'm pretty sure she worked in the Army, so I was like, that makes sense. And it was just kind of like, you're going to see her until your doctor gets back, so don't even worry. She'll tell your doctor everything. And then the last, I think, three weeks, like, yeah, your doctor's not coming back. So I had to go with a man, which I did not want to do, but it was fine. It happens. He was okay. I saw him for one visit. And then I kept seeing the physician's assistant up until the week before, plus that doctor. And the reason I say I thought it was going well is because they're like, everything looks great. Like, you're totally fine. But the physician's assistant kept talking about inducing me, which I did not want to do. And I kept telling her, like, she was like, okay, well, we're going to play in your induction. I was probably 38 pregnant at this point. And I was like, I told you, I didn't want to be induced. And she's like, well, you know, if you go five days over your due date, like, horrible things can happen to your baby. And like, was really just like, almost like just trying to scare me, it felt like. And even my husband felt the same way. He was like, seems like she's just trying to be scary. Like, I don't understand. And then she didn't do any ultrasounds. She just kept like poking my belly, and she was like, okay, here's his, here's his butt, and his head is down, like perfect, where he should be. And obviously, it didn't turn out to be correct. So I didn't know anything was wrong until I ended up in the hospital ready to give birth.

Yeah, you know, we'll get to what we found out, what you found out when you got to the hospital. But I remember, you know, talking to you about those visits and being like, we kept waiting for your physician to come back, and she kept not coming back. And I remember at the time, you didn't think anything was off at all. You're like, oh, great, yeah, everything's great. Whatever, we like, totally were just like, waiting for the call. And so talk to us about how you went into labor. What did that look like when you started labor?

A Breech Baby & Traumatic, Unexpected C-Section

It was in the middle of the night. I was sleeping, and I woke up, and I just like felt like my legs were wet. And I was, it was like two o'clock in the morning. So I was like, oh, weird. I must just be sweaty. I don't know where my head was going. And I get up to go to the bathroom, and I like pulled my pants on, I was like, oh, now my water broke. And I was like, okay, all right, let's go. And I like, I wake up Zach, and I'm like, I'm like, babe, my water broke. He's like, oh my God. Okay. All right. He was so cute. But I woke up my mom, I was like, you need to take our dog Otis and we're heading out. And we had the car packed.

And as you know, I was aiming to do an unmedicated birth. I had my birthing cones. I had just anything I could use. I had them have balls set up. I had a tub that I was ready to use. They're not hot tub obviously, but they're birthing jacuzzi, I think they called it. And I was just so ready to go. I had to go right to the hospital as my water broke because I tested positive for group B strep. So if your water breaks, when you have that, they instantly want to start giving you antibiotics during your labor because it keeps the baby from getting it as they come out. So it wasn't like I was able to labor at home at all, really. But in hindsight, that was a blessing in disguise, really, because I get to the hospital, I tell her my water broke, and she goes to see how dilated I am. I think I was about four centimeters.

And the nurse was like, I think I feel a butt. And I didn't even, it didn't even register. I was just like, haha, that's funny. And she's like, no, like I think I feel a butt. And I was like, okay. And she's like, he's breached, you're gonna have to have a C-section. And like, I just felt the color and just like leave my face. And I was like, are you kidding? She was like, let me go get a doctor, we'll get, we'll get an ultrasound to make sure. And so she gets a doctor, they come in, and I've never seen this doctor before. So it's like story of my pregnancy. It was like, oh, hey, new doctor. Okay, bye, new doctor. I'll never see you again. No, it was like, it was like two seconds. I'm like, on my belly. And then she's like, yep, breach, and just leaves the room. I was like, okay, bye. So I cried for a whole hour. Like I've never cried so hard and so consistently. I was so tired by the end of it. And like the nurse felt so bad for me, but she kept saying like, oh my God, this is the opposite of your birth plan. You wanted an unmedicated birth, and here you are, gonna get a C-section. And I was like, lady, I'm bawling my eyes out. I understand the situation I'm in. It was horrible. And it just kind of freaked me out. I have a huge needle phobia. That is the reason I wanted a natural birth, because the thought of a needle going into my spine literally makes me want to pass out. So realizing that I was gonna have to get a C-section and also have a surgery on top, my first ever surgery on top of that was terrifying.

Like, I remember Zach just looking at me, and his heart just, like, broke for me so hard. Like, he was so upset. He tried to be, like, really strong for me, but I could just, like, see it on his face that he was so upset for me that I wasn't able to get the birthing experience that I wanted. But he was absolutely amazing, and then my mom was able to come to the hospital and just visit. And it just felt so weird, because that morning, they had, like, they're like, you're gonna be, like, our eighth C-section this morning. And I obviously got there, like, 3 a.m. And I was like, that's so weird to me. Like, why is this hospital having so many C-sections, but that's neither here nor there. But so they kept being like, okay, we'll probably, you'll probably have your baby in an hour. And I was like, okay, in an hour came, they're like, sorry, we had an emergency C-section, you had to get pushed back, pushed back. And by that point, my contractions are getting worse. And I was like, oh my goodness, like, this is really painful. Like, okay, like, now that I know, and I've accepted that I'm getting a C-section, I can't even imagine how I would have handled the pain of these contractions when with my natural birth. Like, they are very intense, and that was just the beginning. So they pull me or they wheel me to the operating room and my mom can see us. And then we're like at the door and they're like, oopsies, we're not ready. So they wheel me back. It was horrible. So I get back to the room and we're waiting again. And they're like, okay, we're ready now. Let's get it. And I was like, okay, let's do it. And there's pictures of Zach and I. And just the look on my face is just pure terror, you know? I'm so scared.

So they wheel us back and I get into the OR and they all ask what kind of music I want to be played. And I was just like, I don't know, like Zach Bryan radio, like just something I'm very used to hearing all the time. So they start playing music. And the anesthesiologist was also amazing. When he came in the room to introduce himself, he was so funny. He was just like, if you could just lower your expectations a little bit, like today's gonna be a great day. And I'm like, okay, like I appreciate your humor right now. He was so funny. He's like, just set the bar a little low, it was gonna be great. He was very apologetic. He's like, I'm so sorry this is happening. I totally understand. He's like, but I'm gonna take amazing care of you. I do this all the time. So they, as you know, they don't let the husband in the room when you're getting your spinal tap. So Zach was mortified, sitting out in the hallway by himself, which kind of bummed me out that they didn't have someone there with him, you know, to just be talking to him, being like, you know, this is what's going on in there. So he's sitting right outside the operating room by himself. And the way I deal with stress is I just make jokes. So I'm just joking the whole time. I'm breaking this poor girl's hands because I'm getting a needle in my back. And she's like, squeeze my hands on my girl. I'm a rock climber. I don't think you want me to do that. Like, it's fine. So sorry that you're gonna be out of work for a week because I literally broke your thumbs. So they lay me back on the table and I'm completely naked, of course. So I'm just like, everybody, I'm so thankful that we're meeting in this way. All 12 of you are just seeing the best parts of me right now. And I'm just like trying to be like really stupid because that's the only thing I know how to do is just be dumb. And so then they like lay this thing down, you know, across my chest and they bring Zach in and he was just, he was so scared. I know he was so scared. It was so hard for me to see him feeling that way.

And but what I did know is from the office that is attached to the hospital that I was going to for my OB stuff, the surgeon that day is their number one doctor. And I remember being on their website and being like, okay, like if I can be lucky enough, if I have to have a male doctor or anything like that, I hope it's this guy. Like he has like 3,000 five star reviews and it was him. So I was like a little bit of weight off my shoulders. I was so thankful for that. I was like, okay, at least it's this guy. And then a female doctor I didn't know, of course. They're like, let's bring in someone she doesn't know. We got to keep this girl confused. So Zach's on my left, the anesthesiologist is on my right. He's super funny.

They start very quickly. I think because they're like, you're just another one. We got to pump out another C-section in 20 minutes. Let's hurry this up. You know, it's kind of what it felt like. They start, I don't know what it's called, but the laser, like the burning of the skin, as like cutting. So they would do my left side and go over to my right. And I'd be like, ow, I felt that on my right side. And nobody said anything. I was like, okay, I'm not here, I guess. So then they do it again. And I'm like, ow, ow, I feel that. And I hear the doctor go to the anesthesiologist, like you gave her enough, right? He's like, yeah, I totally did. I'm like, okay, well, why don't you ask me? So they tilted the table. So I'm like laying to the right. And then all of a sudden, I couldn't feel anything. It was really weird. And then what also was super weird and unfortunate is that they have no kind of like fan or moving air in there. So I'm just smelling my burning skin as I'm laying there. And Zach's over my face, just like waving his hand in front of my nose. I'm like, what are you doing? I'm like, oh, yeah, because that's my skin I'm smelling. Like, I didn't even think about it at first. He's like, she shouldn't be smelling this, you know? Like, it's going to freak her out. And it did, obviously.

So, Arlo was a big baby, and his butt was down below, his head was under my ribs, and his feet were on the other side of my ribs. So, when they are trying to get him out, I'm assuming they were trying to turn him in some way, because they can't just pull him out butt first. Like, that would be horrible for everybody, probably. So, I start freaking out, because I feel like they're pushing on my lungs. Like, I'm just, it felt very rough. I was told you'll feel a little bit of pressure, and like, jostling, but that's it. I'm like, no, I feel like I'm being, like, beat up. I just can't totally feel it. And so, I start panicking, and I just keep going like, this is weird. This is weird. And I just keep, I just keep saying that. I don't know why. That was my line. And the male doctor reaches his head over, he's like, hey, like, you're giving birth right now. Like, I really need you to be calm. Like, I need you to calm down. And I was just like, okay, sir, let me know how you handle this when you go through it.

What a jerk.

I know, I was not having it. So a few more minutes go on, and like, it's all such a blur to me now because I think it was like traumatizing, but they're like jostling me around, and Arlo comes out. I honestly don't even remember if he cried right away. I hear them go, stand up, dad, take a picture, which he didn't realize that it would literally be like three inches out of, they took him out of my stomach, that he was getting pictures of it. So he saw everything and he was like mortified. And he's like, you know, I didn't expect that. They were like, you know, have your kid already. But he didn't expect it would literally be like two seconds after they pull him out, like dad, take a picture. But Zach was like, oh yeah, baby's got your chin. And like he was so excited that he had my butt chin. Then they pull Arlo away and he's like, where do you want me to go? I was like, go with the baby, I'm fine. It was just to the other side of the room. And he's there with Arlo and stuff. And it's so sad because I don't even remember them bringing Arlo over to me. Zach says they did, but I think I was so, I was having a panic attack at that point. I think I remember seeing him and being like, oh my God, I can't believe it. And then he leaves again. And then all I remember is I hear Zach Bryan, the good old do in the background. And the anesthesiologist goes to Zach and was like, she's freaking out, should I give her something to help her? And he was like, yeah. So he gave me something that put me out, because I was just losing it. 

Careless Nurses & High Blood Pressure

And then I wake up like 20 minutes later in the recovery room, and I'm like, where's my baby? I said, I bring him over, and it was just like, that's one thing I'm just so sad about. It's like I didn't get that overwhelming, oh my God, we have a baby, let's cry together, let's just hold him. You know, like, it was just like, okay, oh God, I'm freaking out, there's my baby, put me under, I wake up.

Even in the recovery room, I was just like, it was just a mess from like, the second I got to the hospital to the second I left. Like, after I gave birth, I had multiple people coming in and pushing on my belly, I get that, that's fine. And so I had a belly band on, and this one nurse put her hand on my incision to brace herself to help hide in my belly band. I couldn't even speak, I had to grab her hand and throw it off of me. And she looked at me like, what? And I'm like, you were on my incision.

And then I didn't do the narcotic medicine, I only did, I think it was ibuprofen. And so they gave me my first dose, we go through the night, I'm now 12 hours without pain meds. And they're like, how's the pain? And I'm like, really bad. And they're like, yeah, I don't know why you're not getting your meds every six hours. I was like, I thought you guys would just be asking me or telling me or being like, hey, you're due for your meds. But apparently I had to be asking. I'm like, I don't even know what's going on right now. I'm trying to deal with a crying baby. Like my boobs and my nipples are killing me. You know, it was just such a weird thing. So I went 12 hours without meds and that was horrible. I could barely even stand up. And they're like, yeah, you just kind of got to tell us. I'm like, okay, I don't even know what time it is, but another six hours from now, I would like all of my meds. Let's just start there. I would like all of the ibuprofen I can get. So there was that.

And then they had, they didn't even ask me, but they had a rotation of nurses where it was two nurses that would come in at the same time. And I guess one was in training. And instead of just like watching what the other nurse was doing, she would do it to me. So one nurse would like push on my stomach really hard, and it was really painful to have that done. And then they're like, okay, now she's going to do it. I'm like, why? That's not benefiting me. I get you're learning, but can she do it the next time you guys come in and not like right after it? It was just kind of like a really, really weird thing.

And then when I was going to be discharged, my blood pressure was really high. I'm trying to think of the numbers. I want to say it was 150 over 103 blood pressure. And so they're trying to give me things to get my blood pressure down. And it was like the day I was supposed to get discharged, I'm like, I just really want to get out of here. Like, I don't want to be here anymore. So, they were like, you know what? It'll probably be fine. Go home. If your blood pressure stays like this or gets worse, just call an ambulance. And I'm like, okay, well, that's fun. So, I'm home for like three hours. And my blood pressure is just way too high. And I just did not feel good. And of course, you read about it, it's like, okay, well, you can have a stroke or a heart attack, or you could die or something. So, within six hours of getting home, we are now going back to the hospital, and we're just 20 minutes away. Like, I don't, it's not close to me. So, I'm like, I'm just crying. Like, I walk up to the desk and I just lost it. And I'm like, I'm here. I was here, oh, where's the go? I just had my baby. And I need you guys to help me. And they're like, okay, like, let's get you back to a room. You're scaring everybody. So, it was just, I ended up not getting home until like 10 o'clock at night, because they wouldn't let me leave again until my blood pressure was better. And then I was on blood pressure meds for like weeks after that. And I was just like, why would you ever let me go home? You know, like, if it wasn't going down with blood pressure medicine, why were you letting me go home?

It's so strange. Like, I feel like blood pressure is such a concern, right? Like, I feel like that's, I don't know. Like, I don't know a ton, a ton about labor, but I know that that is always something that they check. So, it's just so weird that they sent me home.

I know. I was like, as much as I wanted to go home and be discharged, I would have rather just stayed at the hospital until my blood pressure was fine, so that I could have stayed home for the first night with my baby, instead of immediately going back to the hospital. And so, we had to bring him back in his second car ride of his life, 20 minutes away, and I'm just trying not to freak out. And it's just, it was just so annoying. Like, I don't know. I just felt, like, so dismissed the entire time. I had one really good nurse. I wish I could remember her name, but she was, she was so sweet. She was, like, working in the middle of the night, and she would come in, and she was like, why don't I just, because he wasn't sleeping well. And she was like, why don't I just hold him while I chart? And, like, you'd just fall asleep, and you try to sleep for a little while. And so, she would just, like, hang out in the room in the dark and just, like, chart, and she was, like, holding him like a little football, just, like, doing her stuff. I'm like, you're amazing. It was so hard getting, like, through the night. Like, my boobs hurt so bad. And, ugh, my nipples were completely chapped and bleeding. And, like, he just wanted to be on me. And he's still like that. He is a super clingy baby. Like, he just, he needs to be touching me, or someone, like, he just needs to be cuddled. He is very, like, physically affectionate. And he has literally been that way since day one. Like, the only way I could get him to fall asleep on me is when he was in my arms, like, in the hospital. I'm like, this is so dangerous. I can't be doing this. Like, I don't know. But I literally could barely sleep. But it ended up working out.

The Grief of Unmet Expectations

I appreciate you sharing that because I, you know, just the grief of having such a different experience, I'm sure was something that you'll have to work through.

And it was a bummer because, and it all led up to just, I mean, granted, I know sometimes they're not into turning the baby. And after my water broke, I was like, there's really nothing else you can do. Like, you can't, we can't try to turn him. And they're like, no, after your water breaks, we're not willing to try turning him around. And so I just got so upset with that physician's assistant telling me, oh, he's in the right position, this, that, and the other. And she never gave me an ultrasound after my 20-week ultrasound. I never got another ultrasound. That was like a huge problem because, you know, him being breached for so long, ended up messing his hips up. You know, he came up with hip dysplasia. He had to be in a pavlic harness for months, which was really hard on us. I mean, he luckily didn't know what was happening, so he never really even seemed bothered by it. But it was just so... it was hard, you know, to just feel like, is my baby gonna be able to have normal activity in his legs? Like, is he gonna be able to be an athlete if he wants to? You know, like all just because I didn't get an ultrasound. And because, you know, if they were able to do an ultrasound and either try to turn him or not, it would have been at least like, okay, well, he's a bigger baby. Let's do an earlier C-section. We could have planned it. I could have wrapped my head around it, you know? He could have not been in that position for another two weeks, maybe. So it's just unfortunate that I feel like I kind of fell through the cracks at my doctor's office.

And even at the hospital again, in my recovery, it was just a different doctor. I never saw my surgeon again. Never came in the next day. It was the one male doctor I saw the one time. And he was just like, yeah, how are you feeling? I'm like, okay, I guess. He's like, okay, well, but he did tell me when he came in, he was like, you know, once they were doing your C-section, they realized that you have a pronounced sacrum, which I guess means it's kind of shifted. So that can lead to a lot of most babies who were born, you know, to a mother with a pronounced sacrum gets stuck. And so they most likely end up in a C-section anyway. Which I'm thankful to know now, because if I would have been going through a natural childbirth just to have this eight-pound baby get stuck for hours, like, not only is that dangerous for him, it's dangerous for me. And just to end up in a C-section after all of that, you know, all of that pain, all that everything would have been really, like, heartbreaking. So I try to see the silver lining in that of, like, you know, at least we didn't go through that because that would have been horrible. Like, babies can get really messed up getting stuck in the birthing canal. So that was the nice thing to know. If I do have future kids, I'm probably just going to have to do another C-section, which I don't want to do, but I also don't want a baby to get stuck, so.

I have admired how y'all were able to, like, be very real about how you were feeling, but also continue forward and seeing, okay, but how can we take ownership of this experience and not just feel like victims of just circumstances? And you have every right to feel any way, but I've been just super, I just admire how y'all continually just push through and say, okay, like, this next thing that is happening, like, we are going to just take it in stride and, like, do the best that we can and hopefully have a better experience.

Thank you for that. It's hard because, you know, it's kind of, you get your mindset on being like, this is the birthing experience I'm going to have, because why not? Why wouldn't I have that one? You know, like, why wouldn't I be able to have a vaginal birth? I went to a pelvic floor therapist beforehand just to make sure that my pelvic floor seemed okay and that, you know, she even said, she's like, I don't see any reason why you wouldn't be able to have a successful vaginal birth. So, and I thought that was kind of strange. I feel like maybe she would be able to tell I had a pronounced sacrum, but maybe not. But I just went into it just being like, of course, I'm going to do that. Why wouldn't I be able to?

And the reason I didn't want to be induced is because I feel like most times that ends up in a C-section because the baby wasn't ready and things happen. And then they're like, oh my goodness, the baby's under stress. We need to do a C-section, you know? And like, what am I going to say in that point? Like, no, baby's fine. But like, I don't know, you know? So for it to just be a positioning thing was just kind of, it was just crazy. I had no idea, you know? Like, here I am walking around thinking I'm poking him in the butt. It's really poking him in the forehead probably. I'm just like, sorry about that. I'm like, he's so cute. Here's his little butt right under my ribs. What a good guy. And he's just like getting, like, poked in the face. It just, I don't know, it was just, it was so, like, jarring at the time.

And I was just so upset with that doctor because, like, to find out he had hip dysplasia because of how he was breached for so long. When we went back to her, she was like, well, he probably turned. And I was like, excuse me, you don't think I would feel an eight-pound baby flip upside down, like, inside me? You don't think I would feel that? I was like, he's been in the same position for a long time. I know what I feel. I would have noticed, I think. And she just was very much like, well, what would even have goodening an ultrasound would have done? What would it have done for you? And, like, Zach was so mad at this woman. He was like, I don't know, maybe we could have had an earlier c-section. She would have been able to understand and know what's going to happen to her. We could have a better idea of what we're about to go through and not have it be so traumatizing. Maybe we could have done it a couple weeks earlier. He wouldn't have been eight pounds. He wouldn't have been bent in half for as long.

And with hip dysplasia, it's scary, because they're like, if these harnesses don't work, he's going to have to have surgery and be in a hard brace for months. And I'm like, how do you have a baby in a hard brace? Like, I was so upset. And we actually go back to his hip doctor in a couple weeks to just make sure everything's still going well, because he did really well for a while. And there was a couple weeks there where they're like, he regressed and his hips aren't where they should be. And we don't know why it's not working. And I'm like, oh, my goodness, I'm going to have to see my tiny little baby with surgery scars on his hips and like a hard brace, and he's not going to be able to move. Like, this is going to be miserable. But then he finally ended up where he needed to be for them to take it off. And it was really upsetting, you know, to go through that. Things could have gone a lot worse. If nobody did catch that he was breeched, like, I just went into that male doctor like three days before that, and he did a cervical exam, and I was like two centimeters dilated. And the nurses at the hospital, they're like, we don't understand how he didn't feel that there was a butt there. And like, so if it was another person, and if my nurse didn't catch it, and I'm just like pushing for hours, and then my baby gets stuck, like things could have gone like a lot worse. I don't know. 

Advocate For Yourself!!

It's like now if I ever do it again, like I obviously know that, no, you're giving me an ultrasound whenever I ask for it, because it's literally, she was like, it's in the other room. And Zach was like, then why couldn't she bring it over? And she's like, well, we only used it if we think there's a problem. And he was like, yeah, and there was a problem. And you missed that. You should have went and got it just to make sure. He was a huge advocate for me, and I so appreciate him for that. But now, I know now that I just need to request more ultrasound, request more care. Like, I'm leaving. I'm going to find somewhere else that I can have a stable relationship with my doctor. Never got an apology for it. Never got like, I'm so sorry your doctor is just MIA. Sorry we're tossing you around every which way. Like, they just didn't care. It was really upsetting.

Yeah. No, well, it sounds like there's a lot of defensiveness on their side, and I'm sure it's hard to know, like, what battles to pick and what to let go. And of course, you know, being your first time, not really knowing, like, is this normal? Like, okay, like, how would I know anything other than what you're telling me? I've always, like, admired y'all's relationship, because from the very start, like, it was very much you two are in this together, and I'm grateful that he could advocate for you not just afterwards, but in the operation room as well, and as much as he could, and that y'all were unified in that. It's so important, so...

No, I couldn't even imagine if him and I didn't have the relationship that we do. If I was going through this with someone who just wasn't as supportive, like, that would have been miserable, honestly. Like, I always knew my feelings were valid, and he was, you know, if not more upset than me, just as upset as I was about everything that was happening. You know, like, he came to all the doctor's appointments because he knew, like, sometimes I have a hard time with, like, doctors and stuff, is, like, speaking out. I'm upset for the people who don't have someone there with them to help fight these battles with them and, like, confront these people, because I can tell that they're used to these, like, women who are just, we're scared, you know? Like, we don't know, it's if, for a first time baby, I don't know what is going on. You go in expecting that you're just gonna have, like, the sweetest person ever, that's just so excited for your baby, and for you guys to become a family, and it's just, like, all these people are like, okay, what do you want? Like, you're pregnant, get over it, you know? Like, it was just very cold and just disappointing.

I don't know why. I don't know, it's just hard to know what to even say because it's just so crazy that that... I mean, like, y'all went in with more of a plan than most people have, right? And y'all went in more unified, y'all went more healthy, more whatever, like, than a lot of people do. And so it just highlights, I think, just a bigger need for palliative care, right? Like, patient-centered care and listening, and so.

That's why we're so happy when you agreed to help us and be our doula for us, because I was so excited to have someone in the room that could help us keep our birth plan the way we wanted it to be, because I knew, like, I just had the feeling that if we were in there and I was going through a natural birth, that we were going to be kind of, like, scared by people. And I'm just like, it's just so scary. Like, everything about being a parent is so scary, because you have people telling you what to do, telling you not what to do, telling you what to not do. And sometimes some other people sound so convincing that they're so right, you know? And it's just like, am I doing the right thing? Like, am I going to regret this now? And it's just a general basis of, like, no matter what you do, whether it's anything, anything, down to what, like, being outside, people are like, you shouldn't be moving as much as you are while I was pregnant, and you shouldn't be lifting this box of Parmesan cheese. It is 10 pounds, and you're going to die, and your baby's going to die. And, you know, so it's just like, you always get some sort of outside voice where they're like, that's wrong, you're dumb, you're not doing the right thing for your baby, you know? And you just always get it, no matter what you're doing. You can't please everybody, and that's one thing that was kind of nice that we're, you know, it's just my mom out here. I know most of our family would be supportive of anything we do anyway back East, but just being like out here and just having it mostly just be me and Zach, it was so nice just being like, okay, like, I don't hear anything from anybody. I don't have family and friends telling me what I should and shouldn't do, you know? Like, I had, it was mostly just customers or Trader Joe's. I had this one lady who I was checking them out at the register, and she got a salad, and I was like, oh, I used to love the salad before I was pregnant. But ever since I've been pregnant, I can't eat salad, it makes me feel sick. And she's like, you're pregnant, you really should be eating salad. And I was like, okay, thank you. I get plenty of greens, I just have to cook them first. For some reason, my body was like, this cold bagged lettuce is going to make you sick. So I was like, okay, thank you for your input. Have a great day. Thank you for telling me I should eat my salads. You have no idea on my life, and just a weird thing to say to somebody you don't know.

The audacity, I can't even imagine.

Yeah, it's crazy. We were in Costco the other day, and some guy came over and he's like, oh, your baby's beautiful, blah, blah, blah. And he was like, are you going to have another one? And I was like, I don't know, maybe. And he was like, did you see on the news that the birthing rate is low? And he shows me like a screenshot. And he's like, we used to be 2.6% or whatever, now we're 1.7, and we need to get back up before we're going to keep the population. I'm like, sir, I am buying my groceries. Please stop talking to me. It was just the audacity of some people to just be like, you know what, they want to hear what I have to say. And I'm like, I really don't, though. Like, most of the time, I don't. Like, you were fine when you were just telling me my baby was cute.

Like, that's all we need to talk about. Like, that's the level of interaction that I'm willing to have with you. Please.

Yeah. But anyway, when it comes to having a baby, everyone's going to have something to say. And, you know, you can pick and choose who you want to listen to or who you want to take, you know, an opinion from. But just remember, they're not having the baby that is your baby. You know what's right for your baby. You know what you feel in your heart, like, as what you should do. And just everyone else can just shut up about it.

Preach. Amen. Yes. I love that we are getting back to a more empowered space, where, yes, like, I think you and I both agree that, like, we need to listen to science, we need to listen to doctors, but we also need to listen to ourselves. And, like, balancing the two and not throwing one out the door in favor of another.

I don't know. I just, I hope more people can just really research and meet their doctors, like, well, in advance, maybe, and just find out someone that they know is going to have their back, and, like, do their best to make sure that you and your baby are going to have the best pregnancy and birth and everything, you know, because I did not feel that way.

Yeah.

Did not feel like I was cared about. I felt like they were, were, like, you know, she would come in and be like, you know, I'm just so swamped and so tired, and we have 200 patients right now, or we're understaffed, and this, that, and the other. I'm like, you shouldn't be telling me this. Like, I shouldn't know that you're freaking out at work. Like, that does not make me, as a patient, feel comfortable. Like, we're not friends. I don't want you to tell me that you're just so swamped and so stressed that, like, everything's behind, and you're forgetting to do things for me and my baby that you shouldn't be. I should have known right from there that's like, okay, this is a mess. I need to go somewhere else. And I hope that other people don't feel like because they started with this doctor, and they've been seeing this doctor, that they don't have to stay with them. You don't have to. You can go somewhere else. They can send the reports over, you know? Like, this new doctor will be up to speed on your records within five minutes of seeing you. You know, like, it's not that big of a deal to change your doctor. You're not going to hurt anyone's feelings, and if you do, I don't care. Because if they're not giving you the care that you want, then get out of there. That's my piece of advice, at least.

Bonding With Baby After Difficult Birth

Yeah, absolutely. Well, I'm curious, just as like a kind of wrapping up the conversation, was there a point that it felt like the waves kind of settled, where in that postpartum, you'd felt like you got your groove, you felt more connected to Arlo, you felt back in your body?

It took a while to feel like I was in my groove and I knew what I was doing, because it was a traumatic experience for me. And I feel some regret in saying this, and I used to tell my friends this before, because I'm like, you know what, I don't, I shouldn't hide how I feel, because I know other people feel this way. But when I first had him and I brought him home, I loved him so much, and I literally die for him. But I wasn't, I didn't feel that immediate like, oh, we're just like this being together. You know what I mean? Because I wasn't able to get that moment when I first gave birth, that I'm like, oh my God, my baby. It was a traumatic experience, and I was just thrown for a loop, that it took me a little while to feel myself mentally. I felt like I went through something traumatic, and then I was just kind of like, but you have a baby, you need to shut up about it, take care of this baby. And that's where Zach was just amazing with helping me. I would just turn on sad music, and I would just cry in the shower, and I would come out, and I would be like, Zach, I'm just crying. He's like, do you hear it? You're listening to, babe? It's literally the saddest thing I've ever heard. Maybe let's just turn something else on. And for some reason, I just wanted to feel just down. I don't know, it was just weird. And then to get, within seven weeks of having him, to get this diagnosis of the worst stage of hip dysplasia possible, I was like, oh my gosh, like, what am I going to do? Like, this is everything that can go wrong is going wrong, you know? But that wasn't true, you know? Like, it could have been way worse, you know? Like, we're so fortunate that it was just something physical like that. Seeing what other parents have to go through made me realize, like, okay, like, it's hip dysplasia, it's horrible, it's upsetting, and I allowed myself to be upset with that because at first I was just trying to convince myself, like, that's not that bad, like, get over it. Some people have it way worse, you know? And then I was like, no, like, I'm allowed to feel upset for me, for my husband, for my son. I'm allowed to be upset about it, but I'm also acknowledging that it could be worse, and that made me feel better about it. And so it took a while of just feeling like I didn't have that experience I expected, I didn't have the instant connection with Arlo that I expected, didn't feel like everything, butterflies and rainbows, as I expected. Kind of just like bummed me out. Like, I have a hard time getting my mind set on things and having it not happen. And I try to work on that, but it's something that I let get to me sometimes, of like, this is what I really wanted though. Like, why didn't that happen? And this whole situation really made me realize, like, it's just, I have no control over a lot of things. 

Finding Peace & Meaning

And I'm so fortunate for how things worked out. If I, like I said, if I did end up trying to give birth vaginally, that things could have went really wrong. So, like, was it a traumatic experience? Yes, but am I thankful for it at this point? Yes. And now Arlo and I are literally just intertwined beings. He's just my little buddy, and my connection with Zach and just us as a family is just more than I could have ever dreamed of. So it was rough in the beginning. It didn't happen right away, but now it's everything. Now we're like, yeah, maybe we could have a second. He's so fun, why wouldn't we? But now we're like, okay, let's wait until we get a house and all this stuff to even think about that. But it turned out being everything I wanted it to be. Just the road to this destination was just a little bumpy. There was a detour for sure, but we ended up where I wanted to be.

Yeah. No, I appreciate your honesty there. I feel like it's a lot more common than most people let on, that it's not always this instant connection, or not always this instant groove. There are so many feelings, and there's room for all the feelings. And if we don't feel them, then we continue to feel like this constricted experience instead of, okay, no, this is the entire spectrum of feelings. And I felt the entire spectrum, and I broke the scale on all the feelings. So I so, so, so appreciate you coming and sharing your experience. And I just love seeing you and your sweet family just continue to build memories and, you know, grow together. And so I'm so grateful that you shared your experience. And I know that there's many people who benefited from your authenticity. So thank you, truly.

Oh, I appreciate that. And I appreciate you having me on here. And it's nice to kind of talk about it because it makes it feel less like something that I should keep to myself so I don't scare anybody. But it's like, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. And if someone can relate to it, then I'm stoked on that. It's just, it all turns out okay. I have the coolest little guy. And yeah, it's just, thank you for having me on here to talk about it. I love talking about him, you know, is one of the best things that's ever happened to me. So I'll talk about it any chance I get.

All right, y'all, a huge thanks to Lindsy for being on the line with us today. Do you see what I meant in the beginning when I said she's just an incredibly strong person? She is such a great example of advocating for yourself and listening to your intuition. I needed that reminder because it seems like there's like 10,001 voices telling me what to do, what not to do at any given moment. So her story reminded me that I can just take what's helpful from those voices and then just let go of the rest. If you're like me and found inspiration from her story, I hope you'll share this episode with someone and maybe remind them that they deserve to be seen and heard as well. Also, before you go, I just wanted to say thank you again for the love and support for the podcast. It means so much to me. Also, it's a super vulnerable thing for these moms to share their stories. And so for y'all to already be so supportive and kind means that other moms will feel safe and empowered to share their stories in the future. Also, if you like the show, I hope that you'll subscribe wherever you're hearing this so that you don't miss a single episode. Be sure to leave a rating and review so I can hear from you and know what you like or what you want to hear more of. All right, friend, same time next week.

K, love you, bye!