Big Babies + ZTTK Diagnosis | Becca's Birth Stories

Meet Becca

One of them was like, Oh man, I wish tying your tubes is 100% effective.

What the heck does that mean? 

It’s… there's a chance. Life finds a way.

Hey y'all, welcome to The Labor Line, a non-mom's authentic look into the birth experiences of her mom friends. I'm your host, Emily, and today my sister friend, Becca, is on the line with us. Becca is actually my sister-in-law, but she is my first sister ever. I have four brothers and no sisters of my own, much to my little girl's self chagrin. I wanted a sister so badly. So when Becca married my oldest brother, Brad, when I was 13, all of my dreams came true. And she came into my life at like the perfect time. I was just an awkward teenager, and she's exactly the big sister that I needed. I remember one time in middle school, my then quote, unquote boyfriend broke up with me on Facebook after school, and it was a dramatic breakup, and I was crying in my room, and Brad and Becca happened to be visiting. So she came into my room and asked if I was okay and talked me through everything, and that was like seriously my first ever sister experience, and it just meant the world to me. And so I've been super fortunate to get to spend a lot of my time with Becca. 

As she'll mention, when I was about 17, they moved in with us right after graduating from college. And then only a few months later, my parents got an unexpected assignment from our church to go work with missionaries in Utah. So for context, I'm LDS, and the missionaries you see walking around have leaders that mentor them and coordinate everything. So that's what my parents are asked to do. And normally you have months to prep, but because of difficult circumstances, they were asked to go in three weeks. And I was in the middle of my junior year of high school. I had never moved, and I did not want to go. I had my whole life established there. And I was like, I can't leave this right now. And it was actually perfect that Brad and Becca had moved in a couple months before, because they were able to stay at the house, and I could live with them. And so they were like 27 at the time, and taking care of a 17-year-old sounds crazy. I'm 27 now, and I can't imagine what I would do if I was in that situation. So I'm so grateful for them, and their just kindness with me. I had so many emotions during that time, and they were just such sweet siblings to me. Then a few years later, they actually moved to Utah, and Brad went back to school to get his master's degree. And it was actually the same year I started my freshman year of college at the same school. So we spent a ton of time together there, hanging out, and I'm sure the same kindness and boy craziness and all that stuff was going on there with them too. 

Brad and Becca are both super educated people. Becca just completed her master's of education and won an award for excellence in elementary special education. So she is a teaching goddess. Brad has his PhD in computer science. And as you'll see, all these birth stories were sort of aligned with the timing of his degrees. They had their first right after his undergrad, their second during his master's, and their third during his PhD. So needless to say, they are amazing people. Getting those degrees alone is like next level, and then you add three little ones running around. I just, they are incredible. 

Becca is also a master baker. She makes the best treats, including macarons, which she made for my wedding, which was so sweet and yummy. She's also super engaged in her community. She's always participating in local elections. And so she reminds us all to not just vote every four years, but to be active in your community now. So that is an incredible, incredible thing that she does regularly. Today, she shares all three of her experiences, which include a C-section after 29 hours of labor, two subsequent C-sections, navigating gestational diabetes, sadly a pregnancy loss, and their journey with ZTTK, a genetic deletion of the Sone gene, S-O-N, which I will let her explain. She can do so much thorough of a job than I could. But her story also includes a lot of moving. They moved from Texas to Utah to California, and then Virginia in like a seven-year timeframe. So if you're like, I am here in a lot of different places, you're right. They had a whirlwind of experience during this time. I will also say that there's a lot of mentioning of family, which we didn't really clarify as we were recording, so I'm so sorry. But if there's a name that's brought up that you don't recognize, just assume it's someone that we're related to. But honestly, I am so grateful for her perspective on navigating the craziness of life while staying in good humor and all of her wisdom there. So without further introduction, let's go to her story. 

Hi, Becca. Welcome to the podcast. Introduce yourself. Let us know the amazing things that you've been up to and a little bit about your family.

Becca with Bea, Millie, & George

Hi. I'm so excited to be here and good to talk to you. So I'm Becca. I am, like Emily said, I'm the first of the Spendlove sisters-in-law. And it was such an honor to be Emily's first sister. I have three kids. My oldest is almost 10. And then we've got a seven-year-old and a four-year-old. Currently, I'm finishing up my master's in teaching program, and I'll walk next week. And a 12-month program, so it's been like long and short and a lot of work.

Yes. I can only imagine. With three kids and working and…

Yes, I've been working full-time as a special education teacher and just trying to do all the things. But I'm also adopted a cat in February.

Were We Truly Ready to be Parents?

Well, I am so excited to talk a little bit more just from a different lens. You know, I feel like I had a lot of firsts with y'all because y'all had the first grandbaby. And when you had your second, that was the first time I ever had held a baby the day that they were born. And I just remember, I think I was like 20 at that time, and I just was blown away by that experience. And so I'm excited to hear all about it. So I'm curious, how did y'all know that you were ready to start having kids?

I think it was the cultural expectation, right? Well, we're a certain age, we're done with college, any time we'd like talk about it or ask spiritual leaders about it, it was like, well, you will be provided for, like just have the children and you will be provided for, which is, it's been, we've made it work. But I don't know that we were necessarily like, yeah, we're ready, right? It was just like, well, this is the expectation. And I have always wanted to be a mom. So for me, it was not like a lab care kids. And it wasn't, there wasn't like a, I don't know, are we ready? And we probably weren't, because we were living with mom and dad while we were transitioning between careers. And, but it works out in the end, so.

No, I appreciate that truly, because I feel like, I feel like there is sometimes this overemphasis of like, oh, you'll know, like when it's time, you'll know. And sometimes, I mean, sometimes it just happens. Sometimes you do it with the best of your knowledge, and then, you know, you just kind of go from there. So I appreciate that. Well, so walk me through, like the talk, walk me through that first pregnancy. How was it for you? You know, your expectations vs. reality? How was that?

1st Pregnancy: Intense Nausea in the Texas Heat

Yeah, oh, I got really nauseous right away, which was funny, because we were living with your parents, and we weren't quite like, when do we tell them? I don't know. So I was like sick. And I was working in a hospital. So your mom was like, like, is Becca okay? Should she be working in the hospital? She keeps getting sick.

Okay, we'll see. Give it a couple months.

Yeah. So, you know, and then we, I don't know if you remember, but we like framed our first ultrasound. Because that was like, let's just make sure there's something in there, right? So we framed the first ultrasound, which we had at like eight weeks. So it wasn't like, it was like really early. And we put it in a present, because Bradda had written like a little poem for your mom for her birthday. You know, your mom, she's the sweetest. Just over the moon. So that was like the very beginning. I was very sick. I was supposed to make Kaitlynn her wedding cake. She got married and we went out. And my sister Emily made most of it because I was just like laying on the couch, like so nauseous. But Brad got really good at making me grilled cheese, because that was one of the only things that I liked to eat. And it was like carbs and cheese and protein, right?

Yeah! Main food groups, knock them out. Yeah!

The nausea cleared up around my four weeks. It was a pretty, I don't know, exactly what you would expect pregnancy. One of my only, I don't know, my OB at the time, I felt like we didn't, she wasn't the right OB for me, but it was like, well, I picked her and we're already here. And I didn't know how to change that or what I should do. And there was, anyways, so. Well, so I was really tired, but I feel like that's a normal thing. I would like take naps all the time. And then I ended up, I had a job and I quit at five months because I just like, my like, I think in retrospect, it was like, oh, I was having hormones, like a hormonal pregnant lady. But I just like couldn't handle the emotions, the stuff, and I was anxious and whatever. The only other major event was going to Andy's wedding in June, and I got like so sick, and we were in California. And like, who do we go see? What medicine can I take? And I was pregnant, so nobody wanted to deal with me.

They're like, I don't want to tell you to take medicine, and then something happens, or, you know, like, oh, it's fine, you know. I had a pharmacist, I like went, and I was like, I'm having these symptoms, the doctor said to take this, and she was like, no, don't take that. That's not good to take. Oh, man.

That's something that, you know, someone who's never experienced pregnancy like myself, I don't, I would never even think about that, right? I was like, oh, you don't feel good, just take some Pepto or whatever, you know. So that's so interesting, too, of like, okay, add that to the list of things, you know, just that you wouldn't think of until it's right there in front of you.

And yeah, I had like, I had three different OBs along the way, and I think they all, definitely two of them had like a list of like, this is what you can take, this is what you can't, like, this is what you can eat, avoid these things, like really simple, straightforward things, because there are so many things that you just like don't know or don't think about until you are there. And I would just like one thing, because B is a summer baby, right? End of September, and we were living in San Antonio. It was just like miserable. And then your parents had the pool, and I would like go and try to just like float in the pool, because that was where I felt the best. Like, you know, I didn't have all this weight of this baby growing inside me, and I would go out and try to just float, and I would last a good little while, but then like hornets would come and dive on me, and the cicadas.

Oh, my gosh.

Yeah, that was it. Yeah, but Bea was a pretty straightforward pregnancy, no issues, a little bit of carpal tunnel.

Well, I'm glad that it was, you know, a straightforward-ish pregnancy, you know, and a little different because you were living in a new place and, you know, those new, hot experiences. But walk me through your early stages of labor and like going into the big day.

1st Delivery: 29 Hours & An Epidural Into a C-Section

Yes. So, this is related. I got really into watching BYU football while I was pregnant with Bea.

Okay.

I don't know. Like, I'm not into sports. I like if somebody is on the team that I like, then I'll, you know, but I just was like, I don't know, really into BYU football. So, before I went into labor, we stayed up watching a BYU football game because it was like really intense. That was that year. There was like a freshman quarterback. I don't remember his name, but he would like throw Hail Marys. That was like his trick. He couldn't, they had like lost their other quarterback because he got injured. And so he, anyway, but so it was like really intense, and he would throw these Hail Marys. So that was cool. But so we stayed up to watch that. And then we went to bed, and then I woke up in the night to go to the bathroom. And I was like, oh, my underwear is wet. And then I checked the bed, and I was like, oh, the bed's a little bit wet, but not. It wasn't like a flood.

Sure, sure. Like they show in movies, right?

Yes. Yeah, it was just, you know, a little bit. And I was like, like, it's definitely from the water, and it's something else. And so I called the OB line, and of course, it's like 3 a.m. or 4 a.m. or something. It was like very, very early. We had gone to bed very late, so we had gone, like, not all on asleep. Yeah, and I called, and they just gave me, like, sort of a non-committal. They're like, I don't know, go get checked.

Great, thank you. At 4 a.m., that's what I want to go do.

Yeah, and Brad's like, let's just go back to sleep. And I was like, no, the nurse in the birth class said, if you're water-brained, go in right away. That was what she said. Yeah. Got to do it. So we went into the hospital, and I had not submitted our paperwork. So they were like, who are you? Where did you come from? I literally did a tour and a class, but it was a little bit earlier than, she wasn't early, but it was just kind of like tying all the knots and stuff. I don't know, I just, I showed up, and they were expecting somebody else that the OB had called about, but she hadn't called about me coming in.

Yeah, that didn't warrant a call to the hospital, like, hey, you know, whatever.

Somebody might come and check them out, maybe send them home to sleep, I don't know. So, you know, they do the swab to make sure it's the amniotic fluid and not something else. And they were like, yep, you're in labor. And they put, you know, start strapping you in to all the monitors and all the things. I was having some contractions, but not a lot, you know, not very strong. Emily got us into a room, and Brad was asleep. And they made it seem like the anesthesiologist was very busy. And they also checked to see how, my cervix to see how wide I was. And it was like a, they said it was a four. And I was like, sure, things are kind of moving. We can do the epidural now. And I think that was, well, the first mistake was like not going back to sleep. Like, I have learned some things now. That I did not know then, but like, I probably could have slept until I felt contractions. Like we probably, a good night's sleep would have helped this process along better than like, let's go in. But, you know, what the nurse saying, go in immediately, which like for some people definitely, and if it had been like, yes, for sure my water had broken, then like, yeah, I would have gotten, like it would have been more of a, I should have gone in, but this situation was like, would have made the next 29 hours much better.

Foreshadowing.

Yeah, so anyway, so we, the second mistake was like getting the epidural too soon because real, like I didn't have like a really good plan. It was just like, you know, eventually I'll get an epidural. We'll just see how it goes.

Sure, yeah. I feel like honestly like that, I feel like honestly, that's, you know, a lot more of people's experiences, right?

Like, that's kind of like me. If I hear like, you know, you can make a plan and it's just going to fall apart. It's like, well, why make a plan? There you go. Well, I put in all that effort.

I think there's a healthy balance of that, honestly, right? Like it's all on a spectrum and wherever we land.

I have the expectations, but I also have the plan. Yeah, so I did get the epidural. I felt great after, you know.

Heck yeah.

It was like, this is the best I felt in nine months. I was laying in bed and then finally we had an OB come in and check me. It had just been nurses and she was like, I don't know that you're a four. And also, there's definitely water in here.

No. Oh no, I'd be so mad.

So two things could have happened. Either my water broke at an angle that when I got up and moved, then wherever the break was covered, so nothing else came out. Or you'll also get amniotic stacks outside of the placenta sometimes. So I could have had one of those pop, and then my water didn't actually break. And then I popped my water, and it was like, oh, that's what that is. That's what it should have been. It should have been very obvious.

The more you know!

The more you know! The more you know.

And also, this hospital was very strict about the 24 hours. Once your water breaks, you've got 24 hours, and then we do a C-section, which I don't know if that's a universal thing or just like this hospital or... So Brad was like when it came out gushing, he's like, so does the 24 hours start now? Because we know it broke now. They're like, no, it starts at 4 a.m. when you thought it broke. Yeah, so I was just chilling, and then once you've got the epidural, it's like I can roll side to side, that's it. Everything else like, take it from here. Nature will find its way. Nature did not. And eventually the epidural started to wear off, and that coincided with the timing of the 24 hours. It was like I had been on the epidural so long. Also, throughout the process, they were like trying to push pitocin, trying different levels. At one point, they stopped the pitocin so that they could start it again, see if that would get things moving along, because things just kind of like got to a place, and then it stopped. About the time that the epidural was just like, not working anymore. They also came in and said, hey, you're going to have a C-section. And I was like, I feel like I have to poop. They just, you know, nothing was working, and I was in a lot of pain. As you go from, like, if the gradual build up, right, of labor, like you get used to the pain, and eventually you're like, okay, I'm done. But no, I went from, like, feeling nothing to, like, feeling lots of things. Yeah, and then they start prepping me for a C-section. Oh, I forgot my mom. So my mom wanted to be there for the burst, which is great. We didn't really know the timing, so we had, like, booked her a flight. She wasn't there yet. And so she had enough time to, like, change her flight and fly out, and then she was with us in San Antonio. So she was there, too. And that was nice. So anyways, they came, they got me ready, and then they wheeled us into the OR. There was, like, a lot of confusion about, like, if we should leave our stuff, if we should not leave our stuff. Like, you guys don't have... I don't know. It was fine. And then I got this final tap, which was amazing.

Like, ah, yes, going back to not feeling anything. That's where we want to be.

Not feel anything. And then, you know, we laid there while they cut through all the layers. And eventually the OB said, oh, here she comes. And we heard this growl, sounded a whole lot like, five more minutes, mom.

Oh, my gosh.

So cute. That was our first, like, sensory experience of Bee. Then they took her over to the little station, and I could see her, and they weighed her. She was 10 pounds, 4 ounces.

For context for listeners at home, my family is ginormous, and Becca's husband, my brother Brad, is 6'7. And Becca, how tall are you?

5'5.

So for your first baby, your gift was a 10 pound, 4 ounce child. Like, oh, my gosh. Like, roll out the red carpet, get the palm fronds and the grapes. Like, that is next level for your first baby. I still remember that first picture that y'all sent, just the chubbiest, sweetest cheeks.

She didn't have eyes, she had a line across her face. It's so cute. It's so cute. The nurse who was cleaning her, like, brought her over to show me. And he was like, don't touch her, she's gross.

You're like, thanks, I guess? Like, I made that gross, so thank you, that's all my stuff.

She's covered in her, like, you know, the amniotic fluid and all this stuff. And that's how babies come out.

Yeah.

Which in the moment, like, this was, it was 29 hours of labor, you know, from like, we wake up, we go to the hospital, she's cut out of me in like 29 hours, barely slept. I was delirious. I was on pain meds. I don't think Brad really hurt him, but, we're in retrospect. It's like, excuse me, get a different nurse.

Seriously!

This man just called my baby gross.

Nerd!

In labor and delivery, like, who works in labor and delivery? And that calls a newborn baby gross. I don't know.

And she was, like, objectively cute, too. Like, she's objectively cute, and so, you know, it's not like some alien baby either. So, all right, well, he's canceled.

Yes. Whoever that guy was.

Yeah, that guy. If you're listening to that guy, stop calling people's babies gross.

I don't know. He didn't, like, put her on my chest. He was just like, oh, and she's all bundled up, and then they took her away to give her a bath, which is funny because the research now is, like, don't give them a bath. It was, like, immediately, we'd get her in a tub, wash her all up. They sewed me all up, and they wheeled me over to this little, like, waiting area with other moms who had had C-sections. They gave her a little bath, and I just laid there, and my mom went to find her stuff. Brad, oh, this is Brad's story. But he was crying, you know? That's so sweet. That was his first baby, and he's crying. They had no tissues. He, you know, was also not thinking clearly, and he used, like, a hand sanitizer wipe to wipe his eyes.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

Oh, no!

That's his little story.

Oh, no! That's making my eyes water on his behalf.

It was, you know, not the good choice. But he learned, and he then always packs tissues for things where he might cry.

That's what it took, you know? Then that works great. Yeah.

1st Postpartum: A Positive Transition Into Parenthood

So that was the delivery. And this hospital was the best at having a nursery, of all my experiences, because we got to the room, we were bonding with the baby. They, like, you know, when it was time for her to sleep, they took her away. They took care of her. You know, they did all the little tests out of the room.

So you're like, I'm gonna get some, finally, some sleep after this 29 hours.

I was exhausted. I could not put clothes on. I just wore the little under, like, the mesh underwear with the giant pad. I was like, I can't be bothered. If a nurse is bothered by my naked body, they should not be a nurse.

Yeah, yeah. Like, not even a hot take. Like, absolutely. Yeah.

And I would, you know, I had blankets, so I would, like, get under the blankets when not nurses would come in. But... Sorry. I can't. Which is really good that we were, like, away from everyone. Cause I know everybody would have wanted to come down for a seat, but I was, like, totally out of it. I did, like, recover pretty well. I was able to walk around the, you know, the hospital and stuff, but it just... It was rough.

Next level exhaustion, I can only imagine. Yeah. Well, how was the transition, like, out of the hospital, back home, you know, kind of settling into that role of being parents? How did that start out for you?

Um, I felt like it was pretty good. For me, I was already staying home, so that was easy. And I felt like I was, I know a lot of people are like, oh, the first baby is the biggest change, but it didn't change our lives too much. We're home bodies. We like to watch TV and play video games and just like chill. So then we just added this cute little bundle who liked to sleep and like just needed me still. Like she had a tongue tie in the beginning, and that was rough. Someone from church was like a NICU nurse, and she came over, and she was really helpful with trying to get us nursing. And then we were kept meeting with lactation consultants. And finally, someone was like, I think she has a tongue tie. Go to the ENT. The pediatrician was like, I don't see it, but go ahead. Then we went to the ENT and he was like, yeah, clip. Okay. And then it took her like a day, and then we went back to the lactation consultant. And we got, we were great after that. Like she nursed like a champ until 12 months. And then she's like, I'm done. She had other things to do. So I don't know. She was, it was really easy to adjust to life as a mom. Cause we were prepared, right? It's like you, you know, the life is going to change a lot. Like all of a sudden, you're taking care of this little tiny baby. And I got really into cloth diapers.

I remember that. Yeah. All the cute designs and everything.

All the cute designs and being sustainable and they got how to wash them. I don't know. It was just, I don't think it was easy, but it was, was worthwhile.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, perfect. But we can, you know, transition into your second experience.

Yeah. Well, so Bea was such a good, sweet little baby. She's a good little sleeper, good little eater, very chill. She's like, oh, okay. She's like, this baby thing is easy. Maybe we'll just make chill babies. I don't know.

Only one way to find out. Only one way to find out.

Right. I don't know. This thing is easy. We already have a baby. And then a month after Bea's first birthday on Halloween, I'm like, I feel off and my period is late. And I'm going to take a pregnancy test before I go track down a last minute Halloween costume and register to vote.

Both equally crucial tasks.

Um, yeah. So I took a pregnancy test and I was positive. Trick or treat. On Halloween. And yeah, all my plans for the day blew up. And then I called the insurance to be like, okay, hey, I'm pregnant. What do I do? Because we were on Medicaid. We were students. And we, you know, I knew something would have to change, but I didn't know what. And they were like, oh, you have to go get confirmation that you're pregnant. So I went to Planned Parenthood. Thank goodness for Planned Parenthood. Uh, I was like, I just need to like confirm a pregnancy. So we went and I had the test and the doctor was very nice. And then we like told people over the next couple of weeks, just because of like, why wait? I don't know. And your parents were in Salt Lake on their mission at the time. And we were in Provo. We had moved and Brad had started his master's program in computer science. And so we just lived down the street and we, I found this little pink big sister shirt and we put it on her. And then we put a sweater on her. And then when we were all gathered together, Brad was like, oh, Bea, let's take your sweater off. So cute, so sweet. Millie, I braved sweets. Because we would go to Macy's, the grocery store in Utah. For those that don't know, they make the best donuts of grocery store donuts. They're top tier and they always have different flavors and stuff. And that's where I would go grocery shopping. And I just like, I had to get a donut. I was like, maybe this is how cravings are, but it's just like, it wasn't a want, it was a need. At one point in my pregnancy, I like cried myself to sleep because I needed a chocolate cake. And Brad, bless him, didn't think, I'm gonna go get this woman a chocolate cake. He was like, okay, good night. You're like, do you even love me? I need chocolate cake. But for him, it's like, well, she would ask me to go get her stuff.

That was his first mistake, thinking that.

And then, so for with Millie, I wasn't super nauseous, but then when they do the lovely glucose test, my results were inconclusive. So I had to go back and do the three hour test, which if you throw up, they make you do it again. And I almost threw up. I was, had gestational diabetes. Nothing you could do about it. Nothing you did before caused it. Nothing you can do can prevent it. It's just genetic. But as soon as I started eating the way they wanted me to, all of my sugar cravings disappeared, which is so interesting. Our bodies know what we need. Like there was something off with my sugar, and my body was like more sugar.

Yeah. Yeah. That is so interesting.

Yeah. When I started eating the right number of carbs and the right amount of protein and the right amount of fat and, you know, work to get in my limits. Because you need a certain amount, right? So it wasn't like, don't go over. It was like, this is how much you have to eat at each meal, right? And once I was eating, like they told me to, then I just, I was like, well, I don't need sugar. Like, I missed it. I like sugar. But I didn't need it the way I needed it before. My, the rest of my pregnancy until like the last few weeks, I was diet controlled and I poked my finger half, you know, before or after meals or when whatever the schedule is. And sometimes if I knew I ate too much, I'd go for a little walk and chug a bunch of water. That was nice. But with Millie, I was trying to do a vaginal birth after C-section, be back. And so I had researched like what doctors in the area will let you do that because not everybody will. And so this doctor I found was great. I loved him. He was fantastic. He, like I said, my first OB, it wasn't really a good fit. She would like ask me, do you have any questions like with the door open? Like she's like walking out the door. I couldn't even like pause and think, like get him out because she's going to the next patient. So but this doctor was very patient with me. He would explain things even though it was my second pregnancy. He explained things like it was my first. Like he went through things in detail. Like you should have to feel this. If this, if you're feeling this, that's not normal. If you're feeling that, that is normal. And he would ask me, do you have any questions? Well, he was sitting down and then he would wait.

Like an active listener would ask a question.

Yeah, which was great. I loved it. I loved him. He was great. He was the best. But he was very supportive of the VBAC, but he did talk about the risks. Like if you have that cut and that cut can open, and if your baby is trying to get out, like the contractions are pushing the baby out, they could go out the wrong hole, and that is a problem.

To say the least.

Yes. Yes. Yes. So he was like, we'll just take it one step at a time, try to do for a VBAC, but, you know, we'll see what happened. So with Millie being gestational, like me having gestational diabetes with Millie, we had a lot more tests, had to go in for no stress tests, and get to your heart beat a whole lot, feel the contractions, count the kicks, and we got extra ultrasounds, which was so nice to track how big she was, how much fluid there was, all the good stuff.

2nd Delivery: Positive Planned C-Section + Skin-to-Skin

So 36 weeks, I think, we went in, and they measured her, and she was seven pounds, measuring seven pounds already. And so I was like, okay, when are we scheduling the C-section?

You're like, ah, I've been there, I've done that with the 10-pound, four-ounce baby. Yeah.

It's like, there's so many risks. We're just, we'll just do it. We'll just plan it. That's what I did before. I know how to recover from that. Wait, five.

Yeah.

And so having a planned C-section is amazing, if you need it. It was like, okay, stop eating at this point, come into the hospital. We went in on a Saturday morning at like 5 a.m. Millie was born less than three hours later. That, like the whole experience I felt like was so much better because they were like, the whole team was like very supportive. The anesthesiologist like talked to me the whole time. I knew my doctor was delivering Millie, and I think I had worked with the other doctor, and they were just both really kind. And it was taking a little longer than it normally is. So they explained like, oh, there's some car tissue. The anesthesiologist said that's normal. You know, like, it was just very nice. When Millie was delivered, she, you know, they took her over, took all her vitals, and they brought her over to me and put her on my chest. We just got to, like, snuggle.

She was the snuggliest baby I've ever encountered in my life. And so it started two minutes after birth. That's so sweet.

Yeah, she was just very snuggly, very warm, just wanted to be with me. It was very cute. And then they have to take her away to do more testing, and they close me up. And like I was saying before, with my first pregnancy with B, I, it was a good thing we didn't have any visitors. It was my mom and Brad, and people sent us cookies, and that was it. Like nobody tried to see us because I was just exhausted. I could not have dealt with visitors or like trying to have a conversation with somebody like at that point. But with Millie, so, sorry, backing up, leading up to Millie, everybody was like, when can we come see the baby? When can we come see you? When can we meet the baby? I was like, I don't know. Last time, I couldn't, like give me some time.

Totally.

And like everybody of course is like excited about the baby, and like nobody was overly pushy, right?

2nd Postpartum: Jaundice, Sleep Struggles, & Community Support with 2 Under 2

But I felt so much better. It was like literally night and day because I got a full night's sleep. I ate something like really yummy and healthy the night before. And, you know, the whole recovery was just so much better. So I was able to like get myself dressed, like, and have people in my room. Just like be able to like talk to people and enjoy the baby, and be really snuggly, and nearly figured out breastfeeding pretty quick. I don't think we had issues with that. So that was really lovely.

It's amazing what giving your body the right setting, and even, like you said, like four weeks before when she was measuring so big, just to be able to be like, okay, so I know what that probably means, and I know how that went last time, and having people support you in that. So how was that postpartum experience for you? Was it, I mean, having a baby toddler, I'm sure, alone, added a huge element, but how was that experience for you?

Um, it was rough. Millie had jaundice, and the solution for that is sunshine and lots of breastfeeding. So I felt like maybe I wasn't doing enough, like moms sometimes do, just like trying to get her fed. Um, and then one nice thing was they were able to bring us, like, a glow blanket instead of having her stay in a NICU, or releasing us, and then having her go to, like, the pediatric intensive care. Like, we, they just, like, gave us this ultraviolet blanket that she stayed in most of the day. We would wrap her up in it. She wore these little, this little mask, so it wouldn't blind her. And she just, we called her a little glow worm. And then we had to put her out in the hall in the pack and play because she was too bright for us to sleep with.

You had to have blackout curtains from your baby.

Yeah, but I think that experience made it so she really likes being warm and cozy all the time. She hated being cold. We always had to keep her bundled up when she was itty-bitty. And now she's just always in these fuzzy blankets. That's so sweet.

And she was a June baby, so you were wrapping her up in the middle of the summer. It's not like winter.

Yeah. We would use the meslin blankets, so it wasn't stifling her. She just grew up.

Sure, right.

Thin sleepers. Yeah. Just like, you know, the sort of trickness. Like, getting babies to sleep isn't that hard.

Like “you thought!” – No.

Yeah. No, she was just, she really struggled to like sleep through the night for a really long time. And that definitely affected me and affected Brad. And there was a time when she was like six months, Brad started saying, I feel like half my life was before Millie, and half my life is after Millie.

BM and what a PM, right? Like, yeah.

And just like, it wasn't necessarily her. It was just like life, right? My like wife got really crazy and we're trying to take care of these two cute little girlies. And yeah, it was tougher because like, you know, all the advice, sleep in the baby's sleeves. No.

Respectfully, no.

But we did have like a really good, I think we had the best community with Millie because we had all our family, right? At that point, everybody lived in Utah, and my sister was there, and my parents came out a whole bunch. And we just like, and then we also had like neighbors who were, we had like started developing friendships with, so like they were really helpful and would reach out. And yeah, it was like the best community support we had for about the three kids. But like that was really helpful because I do have, like one of my friends would come and take me to the park and I would just leave. And that was great. I did have postpartum anxiety and depression with Millie, which I didn't get diagnosed with until like I figured it out. It's month six. I was like, there's something is up. I got an ulcer at Christmas time. Oh, yeah, that was not fun. And then just kept trying to power three things. And then I was like, no, something's wrong. So I started taking care of that.

And that was Millie. Sweet Millie. Same similar question for your next experience. How did it all go? How did it start?

Processing Pregnancy Loss

Yeah. The journey to George was long. You know that I was pregnant the year before I had had an IUD. And so I got pregnant while I had the copper IUD. We lost that pregnancy. It was in the month of May. The first day of May, I was like, I feel like I'm pregnant, but I shouldn't be. And then by the end of May, we've gone the whole loop. I'm pregnant. We're going to the doctors. We're doing all these tests. And then I lost it. And then we went to Italy.

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. And that's not, again, for listeners. That wasn't just you and Brad. That was a huge, crazy, amazing but crazy trip with all of my family, all my siblings and parents. And there's like 11 adults trucking around.

And we left all our babies at home, for those of us that had babies. Yeah, it was, oof. And like Chris and Jorden announced they had their little gender reveal, which was so cute. And it was just like this weird time for us, because it was like, we're in Italy, we weren't planning on having a baby, and then we got on board with having a baby, and then we lost it in a very short amount of time. And we didn't really talk about it with anybody, with each other or with those around us, because it was like, we're in Italy, we're just going to have fun. It was a whole mess. And then March 2020, the whole world shut down. And in the process of, should we, shouldn't we? And yeah, and then I was pregnant.

3rd Pregnancy: Minor Gestational Diabetes & Enlarged Brain Ventricles

That pregnancy, I felt like it was pretty normal. I probably threw up a lot in the beginning. Very nauseous. But it definitely felt different. So I was like, oh, this is a boy. And it was, and it was George. We did the whole gestational diabetes test again. And of course, it was positive. Then I tracked my numbers and I was only in the morning. Every other meal, it didn't matter what I ate. Or mac and cheese. I could not eat mac and cheese. That made my numbers go way up. And anything I ate for breakfast. But I did the whole tracking thing. I did the whole eating the right thing, saying I'm going to lay. Eventually, we're like, you only have to test once a day. Something like that. 

It was like, it went from, you test when you wake up, you test after you eat every single meal. And then you test before you go to bed. And it went from that to just once a day, which was very nice. But also this OB, because I changed OBs because I was like, I knew I was just having a C-section. So I was like, well, I'm not trying to prove you back. I'd had some bad experiences with not the OB that I saw, but with the clinic when I was having my third pregnancy. So I was like, I don't really want to go back there. They don't deliver down the street for me. I found another OB, and they didn't do the gestational diabetes in-house. They sent you to maternal fetal medicine at the hospital, which was really nice. And we got a really detailed scan, you know, 26 weeks or whatever. And they found that George had enlarged ventricles in his brain. And the doctor that I saw was like, it could be nothing. Most people who have this, maybe they have ADHD, or maybe it doesn't affect them. But also it could affect them a lot. They're like, well, good to know. What do we need to do? And they're like, well, you could have this really expensive MRI while you're pregnant, or you could just do an ultrasound after he's born on his head. And so we said, let's do that one. That's not the MRI. Nobody needs to do that right now. And so we kept checking in and doing his tests. And one thing that's funny about me is I don't learn lessons sometimes. So my first OB, I was like, I don't know, we don't vibe very well. My last pregnancy, I was like, you know what, it doesn't matter. I'm just having a C-section. I'm just going to, you know, and they wanted you to see instead of having, they had a lot of OBs and they wanted you to meet with like all of them throughout the pregnancy. So they would just like schedule you with random one instead of having one. And I tried to stick with one. At some point, they just started scheduling me with the random ones. And then I didn't say, oh, actually, I really only want to see her. She was great. I loved her. Everybody else is kind of, but she was great. So I like met with different ones, and then you had to fill out the different forms because we knew George was our last. So I was like, I'm having a C-section. Let's just tie up the tubes. One stop shop.

Bogo, right? Buy one, get one.

Yeah, and they, you know, you have to do the paperwork. Utah was like, you have to have it signed beforehand. You can't decide the day of like, oh, actually, let's throw that in too. You have to like be in the right head space. Luckily, nobody asked me if my husband was on board because I know that happens to some people. But for me, it was just like, okay, great. This is your third kid, sure. Nobody said anything about like, well, you don't want to have more? No.

Good, good, I'm glad. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I know there are like horror stories out there. I heard it's like, okay, here's the paperwork you want. Here's your plan.

3rd Delivery: Planned C-Section + NICU Stay

And then we scheduled, I got to pick George's birthday, 2-1-21. It's really easy.

Thank you, thank you on behalf of everybody.

Thank you, that is perfect. Right. So cute. And I was older, so the recovery wasn't quite as nice as Millie's. Millie I like. One thing after Millie is I like six weeks. I put Bea and Millie in our double stroller and walked the like six blocks to Smith's in July, got some groceries and came home.

Oh my gosh. Six weeks with two teenies.

Yes. It was a journey, but like, I don't know, I'm all about adventure and like trying things. And I felt like it and we did it and it was fun. And I was fine. I could not have done that with George. I did not. Six weeks. I was not there. But also we got COVID.

Oh my gosh.

So anyway, the delivery was mostly fine. We were scheduled pretty early, but we weren't first. So the first surgery took longer or something. And then, oh, we have an emergency. And then there was like one more thing. And then our nurse came in and was like, you're going next. I'm not going to let them push you off. Because it, you know, we got there at like seven, and then our surgery was supposed to be seven. That was like later in the day. I can't remember. So we did the whole delivery thing. This hospital, the operating room, they kept really cold. So they had a room next, like just off of it, that was warm for the newborns to get like weighed and measured and all the things and check their vitals. Which was annoying for me, because I want to watch them do that. And I'd also like, I guess I was the first woman ever to have a C-section that I was like, hey, can I hold my baby after I birth it, after nine months of carrying this baby?

What a novel idea. What a novel, crazy idea.

Yes, imagine. They were like, I don't know, can you? Yes, they were like, we got this whole contraption. They were like, okay, we're going to put a band over your chest so you can stick the baby in it so the baby doesn't fall.

Can you just hold this child against me, please? That's all I need. I don't have to, oh my gosh, patent a new invention.

Yeah, just okay. That's why Millie's birth is my favorite of the three. A nice little bonding experience. And I also remember, so with C-sections, they have a drape between the mom and the surgery, because I don't know about you, but I don't want to see the insides of my guts.

They have those clear drapes, and I want to meet somebody. I want to meet somebody that has that mental fortitude, and they need to become a surgeon themselves, because I can't imagine doing that.

And Brad had no interest. He was not looking. And this drape was like, right here, just a couple of inches from my face. I feel like my other C-sections, they had it a respectful distance from my face, where that's what it was like, covering my face. Like, blue is all I could see. Yeah, so I didn't know either of the men who delivered my baby. They're both male obese. They worked for my obstetrician, and I had, you know, for the clinic that I was seeing, and like, I'd seen a lot of people, but I did not see them. They were fine, except one of them was like, oh, man, I wish tying your tubes is 100% effective.

What the heck does that mean?

Because there's a chance. Life finds a way.

Okay.

That's not very good bedside manner.

No.

Like, why would we even say that? I made the decision, let's just have this baby and be dead, please. So that really messed with my head, because anytime, you know, postpartum, you have periods, and it takes a while for them to get on track. So, you know, the first few periods, I was like, what is, where is it? It was very paranoid.

3rd Postpartum: Unique Developmental Struggles + COVID

So anyways, so George is delivered, they take him to this little room. I don't see him, they're closing me up, they're doing the tying the tubes thing. Some point, the nurse comes over and says, hey mom, you're having trouble breathing. We're going to take him to the NICU. And, you know, another great way to start. But I just told him, okay, go learn how to breathe, buddy. Gave him a little kiss, and off Brad and George went to the NICU. And then I was just kind of alone for a while, and Brad came at some point. I think he went back and forth a couple of times to check on him. And then when I had a room ready, they like wheeled me through the NICU so I could see him. Got to hold him for the first time then. And had all the little strappies for the CPAP machine, helping him breathe, helped him figure it out. And then they took me to my room, and I slept, and Brad went to be with George. And they had like a time, it was like six hours, if you needed to be on it for longer than six hours, then they would have been officially to the NICU. But for the first few hours, they were just kind of monitoring him, try to get him off the machine, see if he could learn to breathe on room air. So Brad met with a couple of doctors just in the time, and it was like they tried to take him off, they had him put back on, tried to take him off, you know, for a couple cycles, and then finally like right before the cutoff, he figured it out. But then he had this sad little, they have to put an IV in your head when you're a baby, that's where the IV goes. So he had this little, like, IV flopping around. Got it all on his little head. Little antenna. Little antenna.

Sweet baby.

Yeah, so sad. He just looked like a little old man already.

I remember that one of the first little pictures, he just looked really tired. He was like, meh. Like, why? Why am I in this bright place?

Uh-huh. And he really struggled to learn how to nurse. That was, like, a few weird weeks of, like, trying to get him feed, and he, like, lost a lot of weight. I had to supplement, and then we all got COVID.

So much. I mean, during that time, and, I mean, you were talking about your community for Millie's birth experience, and it was probably a complete opposite experience with George, if I remember.

Yeah, like, people, Jorden set up a meal train for us, so people would, like, bring us meals or send us money to buy meals. My parents came to be, like, we were trying to create a little bubble, you know, with them, and my sister, Kaitlynn and Brenton. Our bubble worked because we didn't spread COVID. I think my parents got it somewhere because they were the first ones to get sick. Kaitlynn and Brenton had had it recently, but not, like, they still had immunity. So I don't think they... No, they did get it. It's all a blur. Everything's a blur. But they got it. And then Millie was the first one to show sign in our family. And then I was just really thirsty and tired, which are normal breastfeeding new mom symptoms, right? Like, I was feeding a baby, so... And I was pumping, and I, like... So I needed extra liquids, and then I was just really tired because this baby's not sleeping. And then it turned out, no, that's COVID. That's what it looked like. But then that opened, like, a whole opportunity for us because it was, like, once we were better, we had the immunity, and we also hadn't spread it because we weren't around other people. I don't know. That was nice. George has a whole journey after that.

Yeah. Well, y'all, as a family, you know, just all have gone through so much. And, I mean, it's up to you if you want to talk about it or...

Journey to a ZTTK Diagnosis

Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm happy to share about George always because he is literally the best.

I can concur. Yes, he is just the best.

He's just the best, happy little guy. And we went on a whole journey to figure out, okay, what's going on with this little boy? Because he really liked staring at lights. He wasn't really making eye contact. He had a really floppy head. He was real floppy. You had to support him a lot. And at his two-month checkup, his doctor was like, let's get some things checked. So we did a bunch of tests. She got us hooked up with early intervention. Thank goodness for early intervention. And we started getting him some services. He started getting PT. Then when we introduced foods, he was struggling to learn how to eat. In Utah, they had a speech therapist come to help us. So it was a whole journey. And he started with a developmental delay, was the diagnosis, and that's how we got services for him. And we started doing genetic testing, and then we moved to California. Because three kids is a lot, especially when your husband is getting a PhD. And my parents were like, come and move in. And they lived in a really good school district in San Diego. And anyways, so we started genetic testing for George. They made us do all these hoops, and then we needed insurance coverage. You have to do all the things for insurance. Anyways, so we moved, and then we had to start the whole process over again. But eventually, after a year from, we did see, we saw a neurologist in Utah. Sorry, my timeline is kind of all over the place. In Utah, we saw a neurologist, and he said, go get genetic testing. And so we did, and that took a long time. So a year, almost to the day of when he said, go get genetic testing, we got the results of the genetic testing. And he has a condition called ZTTK syndrome. It is very rare, like less than 300 people. It might be more now, but when he was diagnosed, it was less than 300 people worldwide have been diagnosed with this condition. And there's like a whole spectrum of symptoms. What it is, is he has a deletion in his son gene, SON gene. So he's missing one half of that. And so we did lots of physical therapy, lots of occupational therapy. He is still in speech services. For a while, we weren't sure if he would learn how to walk or talk, but he is walking, he's running, he's doing fantastic. He, the speech is still behind, but it's there. He's talking and loves dogs. So sometimes he talks like a dog. He can say a lot of things, and he is just the sweetest little guy. And once he graduated from early intervention, he started going to get services through the school district here. He made so much progress, and he's poor. He's fantastic.

He is so fantastic. And it's just been such a sweet, sweet thing for me to witness, just his growth and also how you as a family have just completely just blossomed with him. And I mean, you mentioned earlier, but we're going to celebrate again that you're getting your master's in special education in a couple weeks. And what a beautiful gift that that is too from this whole experience. And I mean, obviously, the greatest gift is him and his sweet love and person.

He is definitely the inspiration for the special education degree because I was going to all these therapies with him. And, you know, I was learning all these skills and I felt like, okay, he is getting like once we moved. So we moved to Lynchburg two years ago almost. And he, we just kind of got to a place where it was like, you know what, he needs to be around other kids. And he does so well. We went to Christmas with all the spend loves. And he just like followed everybody around. And like, he made so much progress in that little two week span of like being with cousins and being with people his size. That I was really like, oh, he needs to be, like I, it would be better if he wasn't at home with me all the time, right? Cause I'm running out of stuff and we're watching a lot of Ms. Rachel. Yeah, and so yeah, I was like, what do I want to do? What do I want to be when I grow up? Yeah. Like, well, I want to help more kids like George. And I don't know, I was interested in teaching and I took a job in a special education classroom just over a year ago. Like the first day, I was like, no, I want to be a teacher. I don't want to be an assistant. Like, assistants are great, and I love my arse, but I want to be in charge while I'm doing. He's the inspiration for all this.

That's so wonderful. Well, thank you so much for sharing your experiences. And it's just, it's really cool to see how they each, you know, grow into one another and they each affect one another. And just also, you know, knowing the three kiddos, like seeing how even from the minute they were here, their their little personalities were with them and just so special. And so thank you. Thank you for coming on the podcast and for sharing your experience.

Thank you for having me.

All right, y'all, a big thanks to Becca for being on the line today. And Casey couldn't tell she and I had a total blast recording together. And so it was just such a special time. She's a very important person to me, and it meant so much to get to talk to her about her experiences. And when she first had her babies, I was only like 17. And so I definitely was much more distracted by her super cute babies. And don't get me wrong, they were super cute and snuggly. So it was hard not to get distracted. But now, 10 years down the line, I know better. I know to focus on my mom friends, to ask them how they're really doing and to really check in. And talking to her, I had no idea that half of this stuff even happened. So even though I was around her for most of her pregnancies, it just goes to show that there's so much to be gained from taking a few moments to really sit down and listen to the moms in your life. So I invite you to do that this week. Don't just say, oh, hey, how's it going? Oh, good. Okay. And then move on. Really try to dig deeper and ask and be genuine in asking how you can be there for them better. 

All right, y'all. Thanks so much for being here. I know it's cheesy, but I truly do mean it when I say that if you're listening, and especially if you're this far into the podcast, you are my friend. So before you go, friend, please subscribe wherever you're listening to this so you don't miss an episode and follow along on Instagram at The Labor Line for even more fun. All right, friend, same time next week. 

K, love you, bye!

(This is a transcript of The Labor Line: a birth story podcast)