Positive Labor + Exclusively Pumping | Valeria’s Birth Story

Meet Valeria

And I was like, are there any lactation consultants? And they're like, no, they're not here on Sundays.

What?

I was like I thought this was a hospita! I thought it was the best hospital to give birth in, like it's not at Chick-fil-A, come on.

Hey y'all, welcome to The Labor Line, a non-moms authentic look into the birth experiences of her mom friends. I'm your host, Emily, and today I am joined by my friend Valeria. And this marks the 10th episode of The Labor Line, which is incredible that we're already at 10. I am just so grateful that I've been able to start this amazing journey with each and every one of y'all. We are only 10 episodes in, but I feel so connected to y'all as a community. I am just forever in awe of these amazing women that have shared their stories. And I feel like I'm learning so much with each new episode. With that, at the end of this episode, I'm actually gonna be talking about 10 things that I've learned from these past 10 episodes. So be sure to stick around for that. But for now, let's get back to Valeria.

So she and I met in college while working for the LDS Missionary Training Center, where all the little missionaries you see walking around, they go and they learn how to be missionaries. And so we were actually security guards there, if you can believe it or not. We had so much fun together. It was actually an incredible college job. We always joked, like, you became fast friends or enemies for life, because the way that it was structured was that you just sat in a teeny little room with someone else for hours at a time, and you weren't allowed to be on your phone, you weren't allowed to be doing things, you had to be observing. And so you met some of the most annoying people of your life, but also some of the best people of your life. And Valeria is definitely one of those best people. We also had to work a lot of overnight shifts together. Those were usually like 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. And you really never bond more quickly with someone than when you're both trying to stay awake. It's like four in the morning. You're like trying hard not to like rub your eyes and get your makeup all over your, like look like a raccoon. And a lot of times, this was in Utah, and we'd be in these little glass booths outside. And so they were really cold, and you're just trying to stay awake and just trying to get to your bed before you fall asleep. And so you'll see today, she is so funny. And there were a ton of those super late nights slash early mornings at like haze time that we were just cracking up together over the smallest, dumbest things. So she is a real one for life, for sure. Not too long after that, she met her husband, Dallin. And I remember just how fun their wedding was. Valeria is originally from Peru. And so the food and the music and especially the dancing were just out of this world phenomenal. It was so fun. Like top five weddings for sure. Not too long after that, they moved to Houston, where her husband attended optometry school, and where their cutie son, Matias, was born.

So today, she will share about her experience with finding the right circle of friends that helped her feel confident enough to become a mom. She had actually only ever held one baby in her life before becoming a mom herself. So they totally helped her feel empowered. She was also connected to a local nonprofit in Houston that provided free birthing and parenting classes, which also helped her feel really prepared too. She also shares about some seriously hilarious differing views that she and her mom had about motherhood. Like I mentioned, Valeria is originally from Peru. She's lived here for about a decade. And so not only were there generational difference between her and her mom, but cultural ones as well. And so she talks about navigating that and how, you know, it was just good for her to have support on all sides. All of this was followed by a positive labor experience at 42 weeks with an epidural, and an experience with a nurse that totally blew up on her for no reason at all. But she goes on to talk about what that taught her about standing up for herself in the future. She also had to recover from a second-degree tear while adjusting to newborn life. And she shares about the mentally taxing experience of exclusively pumping for 10 months, which is just incredible. Her episode is especially important because she shares her insightful perspective as an immigrant navigating the complex health care and insurance systems that exist today. So I'm so grateful for her perspective, and I'm excited for y'all to hear. So with that, I think we're ready to go and let's jump right in.

Welcome to the podcast, Valeria, thank you for joining us today. Tell us a bit about yourself and what you and your cute family have been up to.

Valeria with Mati

Thank you. So we just moved from Texas, Eastern Texas, to California about a month and a half ago, but we were living in proof for about a month. We're being all over, but we're finally glad to just finally settle down, especially with a toddler. No more moving for us.

Literally, no, we were talking before this, and she was sharing the many, many plane rides that y'all have endured together with your 18-month-old. And so I'm glad that y'all can just be a little bit more settled. And y'all just finished up school, right?

Yes, we were in Houston for my husband's schooling. He was doing our commentary school, so now he's finally not studying, actually working. So it's nice to actually see money coming through instead of paying for him to work at that point.

Yes, totally. I can imagine just all those years of like, okay, this will be worth it, right? This will be worth it. And so I'm glad that y'all are finally seeing the fruits of that labor for sure. Oh, yeah. Wonderful. And your sweet toddler's name is Matias, right? We call him Mati.

Yes, little Mati.

Mati is so sweet. How is he adjusting to California so far?

Oh, he loves it. Okay. Honestly, before we... So one of Dallas' rotations was in West Texas, just a tiny little town called Fort Stockton. 8,000 people. There was nothing new there. But, you know, we made the best of our time. So I think he's kind of happy that we have libraries and can go to parks. The weather is nice. No longer hurricanes in Houston. No longer mosquitoes. Just perfect California weather.

Oh, that's so wonderful. My mosquito bites on my legs being in South Texas right now are laughing at me because they're like, oh, don't you wish that that was your life right now? But it's fine. I love Texas. No, I know.

I miss Texas so much. I don't know if I would miss it, but I honestly like if we if we didn't have a job here, we would totally be living still in Houston. It has its ups and downs, but it was such a great place.

No, that's so true. It's one of those places where it like gets its claws into you, and it's hard for you to like not just want to stay because it's a sweet place. It really is. And to your point, especially in Houston, like there's always so much to do. So it's been similar for my husband. He's like, I didn't think I'd like living here, but I really do like living here. But I know California. I mean, what a dream. That's so fun to get to be there. And, you know, just back after living in a teeny little town in West Texas, y'all did your time. And so I'm glad that you can move on to your glorious California adventure. So that's so fun. Oh, yeah. Well, I would love to just jump right in if you're ready. I'm curious, what was your journey to becoming pregnant, especially in the middle of school for your husband? How was that for y'all?

Pregnancy: Nausea, Birthing Classes, & Community Support

It was okay. Not gonna lie. So throwing us on that. But I had FOMO. So my congregation in Houston, our church congregation, was, everyone was basically a student, but post-grad, so either dental school, medical school, optometry school, or any other doctorate. And so it was kind of like the time for everyone to have a baby. So all my friends had babies. So whenever I was hanging out with them, they would now go to the city where the museum was with their strollers, and I was just there. And it felt like, dang, okay, I should probably get on it. So I was like, sure, let's have a baby. But I guess that's the next step. And oh my gosh, because I was never around kids. So my day was the second baby I've held in my life. So every time someone would ask me, like, do you have all my babies? I'm like, no, I'm sorry. I just, they look so fragile. I don't want to drop them and they probably will cry. So, yeah, I was never really involved in kids. Like, they were just, I mean, they're cute, but they really didn't mean much to me because I wasn't close to them. But thank goodness I got FOMO. I had FOMO because now every time I see a kid, like, we went to Peru, we went to Machu Picchu. And I remember hearing a baby crying in the plane. And before I would be bothered by it, you know, like, a whole market, but now it's like, I wish I could hold the baby and, like, maybe had some more extra snacks to give to the baby. So, yeah, I honestly like that change from not knowing anything about kids to, like, actually really liking them a lot. So yeah, that was our life in Houston. We had a really good friend circle that had babies, so it was perfect. At that point, that was the, that was the resident of the women's congregation there. And I remember looking at all the printout women that were gonna give birth that year, and one of them, I was one of them, and there were a total of eight, eight girls that were gonna give birth between October to December. And I was like, well, thank goodness I'm getting released! Um, because I wish I could help them, but I'll probably all of you help. So yeah, it was nice to have that circle, I remember. Some of them, they were having their second kids, and while I was pregnant, we would hang out, and they would debrief me on, like, what do you wear after you postpartum? Or how do you do this? Or they even tell me their label stories, and I love hearing them. So it was a fun time, because I don't know, they had these little things that you put in your bra for breastfeeding.

Like nursing pads or something?

Yeah, like nursing pads. And I would never know how to wear them, because my parents are not here, and probably my mom didn't have that at the time. So it was nice for them to like show me how things work. Yeah, so yeah, that was really nice of them.

Yeah, no, I think that you touched on like such an underrated part of this, is like, I feel like my husband and I, we're like totally gearing up to like having kids and all this stuff. And it really does make a difference who your circle of friends is, and like who you're surrounded by, because I've been in different like places in my life since, you know, getting married, where I'm like, I feel like I'd be totally alone if I was pregnant right now. Like, I struggle to have friends because of whatever factor, right? Like, maybe there's just less people my age or in my situation. And I like could not imagine going through that at that time. But then when you're like in a community or you find your people, it really is such an important factor that like, I feel like we don't talk about a ton of like, no, it really does affect feeling like you'd have your village if you became pregnant, right? And so I think FOMO is like a totally valid reason to like start that seed of like wanting kids, you know? I love that honesty because it's so real. It's so true.

But yeah, that's something nice that you talk about, because it's nice to have your mom come over and help you. But it's nice. I think it's better to have a circle of friends that already passed through that, that are in your age. No shade to my mom or anything. But sometimes like they're... I mean, she doesn't speak English, so thank goodness. But she... Like sometimes their advice is a little outdated. And it is valid. You know, she helped me a lot through postpartum. But you know, there's new things that come up, and it's better to have friends that already went through the things that you are going through right at the moment.

I totally get what you're saying. It's totally true. Like there's value in both, but they bring different things to the table, right? Like your mom can be there for like the trenches, you know?

Yeah.

Okay, like you can see me all like haggard and whatever and all these things. But your friends, like, it's kind of just like any other phase of life where, like I remember even being a young teenager, I'm like, mom, you don't get it. She's like, yes, I do get it. But there's different, like, new challenges that come up that like having people, like you're saying, that went through it more recently can, like, add such a great resource to your toolbox, right? And so I love that you can feel supported on both sides. That's wonderful.

And by outdated, I mean also like some like crazy things. I remember my baby shower, there was an eclipse going on, and my mom told me, do not look at the eclipse. I'm like, yeah, we have glasses, but like, no, do not even look at the glasses, because then the baby's gonna come out with like a birthmark that it's like super big. I'm like, no, like, it's okay. Okay, yeah, yeah, I'm not gonna look at the eclipse at all. I did look at the eclipse.

That's so funny. I love that. Just like those, I think they call them like old wives' tales, right? Like this kind of things that like, what? You know, but that's so funny and cute.

Yeah, and I love that she will always like, I don't know if it's true, but just letting you know that this might happen.

You're like, noted. Thank you. Yeah, that's so cute. Because your mom had y'all in Peru, right?

Yeah, yeah, we just, I just moved here like eight years ago, maybe nine years ago to the US.

Yeah, so even just like the cultural differences and just like the resources would be so different. I mean, even I know I have a friend who like was born and raised in the US and then she ended up moving to Canada. And she was like, even just adjusting to the different medical system there was crazy. I can't even imagine like a different language, a different, like very different systems. Like I'm sure that it was super helpful to have friends that were like more acquainted with these systems too. Like I hadn't even thought about that. That would be a big.

Oh yeah, I remember every time people would swaddle him they'd be like, why would you swaddle him? Like, that's what we do! I don't know! Like, we just swaddle him!

Yeah. Those are such interesting observations. And I'm so excited just to continue to kind of have these little, I don't know, little peaks of like, well, this was something that we had to talk through with the differences and the different experiences with my mom or whatever. That happens to everybody to varying degrees, but that's such an interesting perspective is having completely different cultural experience from your mom as you bring babies into the world. So that's, that is awesome. Well, good. I'm so glad that you could feel like you had your people, that you felt like you had people that you could talk to and like ask all those things. So how was pregnancy? How did it treat you?

Oh, it hit me hard, but then it got better after. So there's like good and bad things about pregnancy. And the good ones, I don't know if they talked to you about, but pregnancy privilege is awesome. I remember getting some freebies at Raising Canes, like some extra sauce just because they saw me pregnant.

Yes.

So that was great. And people are just friendlier to you. So that's nice. And then I also remember, yeah, my mom was here at that point, like she was visiting and she was like, why are they not lanes for pregnant people, like at the grocery store? I'm like, I don't know. I forgot Peru has that, but not here.

That's interesting. So like checkout lanes?

Yeah, checkout lanes for like disabled people and pregnant, they would count it as disability? I don't know.

Sure. Or like differently abled.

Yeah. So yeah, they would have a line for disabled people, pregnant, and then people with little kids. So cool. That helped a lot with Mati, because you have your kids in your arms, and they're a little crazy when they're waiting. So that was nice. And then they also had parking for pregnant ladies. That was nice.

We need to bring that here. Hello. I've seen the pregnancy parking in some places, but yeah, no, we need to step up our accommodations. That sounds amazing.

Yeah. Because even just having it at one store would help so much. If Target gets on it, I'm sure people will go more often, or just any other store. I'll just go to that store just for that.

Yeah, absolutely. Well, this is the call to all businesses listening, because I know there's so many businesses listening right now. Add pregnancy-friendly or family-friendly things. But I'm sorry, continue. I got too caught up on that. Oh, you are good.

Well, honestly, that's all about it, about good things. So, I'm trying to be extra. Yeah, it's nice to hear them on your belly. It's cute to feel them there and their little kicks, but the nausea just killed me. The first week when I found out I was pregnant, remember I got those little Essing pregnancy kids from the dollar store, because they were a dollar. So, I got like five just in case to make sure, before I actually got the $10 one from CVS. So, I can confirm before I give it to Dallin. And while I was testing those dollar kids, Dallin opened the door to the bathroom and saw me testing it. He was like, what's that? Oh, it was supposed to be a cute surprise, because we're going to go to Mexico this weekend, but now you're finding out in the bathroom. So, yeah, we went to Mexico that weekend, and I ate Mexican food day, morning, day, night, or a week, and that did not sit well with my body. I could not even see a Taco Bell just driving past, because I would be so nauseous. And I love Mexican food now, but at that time, it was not something that I could eat. And then the other bad thing was, so I cannot swallow pills at all, even tiny ones. Since I was a kid, I was always so scared of them. I would cry whenever I had to take a big pill. And prenatal pills, I don't know if you've seen them, but they're like huge. Like if you look at your thumb, it's like the size of maybe.

Oh, I'm on top of not feeling well already.

Right. I remember trying different brands. I remember cutting them, crushing them, putting it in like applesauce, yogurt, nothing. But sometimes they would make me throw up. I'm like, no, I can't throw up these things. But then I started working with like, okay, I'm gonna swallow this little piece of rice. I'm gonna swallow this little piece of lentil and bean. And then I finally got it. And now I can actually take any pills. So I guess that's not bad. I can take anything now.

Yeah, I mean, benefit for sure, unforeseen benefit. But yeah, having to work through that, that's amazing that you could do that while not feeling well. That's next level. Well, so during pregnancy, how were you like preparing for labor? Did you like want to make a plan? Or were you kind of just going with the flow? What was your plan of attack?

A little bit of both. So I wanted to take classes and be as educated as possible. So I remember looking for classes, and I found this one that was in downtown. It was like a nonprofit, and it helped other ladies. Like, oh, cool. Like, I want to sign up for the classes. How much are they? And they're like, oh, they're free. And we actually give you things for going through the classes. I was going to pay for them, but this is great. And I think that this is mostly for like women of color that don't have much money. And at that point, I mean, I am a woman of color that did not have much money going to school. I was also working, but my job didn't pay really much. I was also working at a non-profit, so. And then I just remember going to the classes, and the lady would tell us, just remember what your ancestors went through when they were given birth and their experiences and how they managed to do that. Like, I don't know, but I feel like my ancestors would really love some pain medicine, or would have really benefited from them. But they help you with lots of techniques for breathing and, you know, all the stages. And it was nice. So yeah, I was prepared for going unmedicated, at least until I can. That was my plan. Like, I'm gonna just push it through without medication until it hurts a lot. And then the day came, and it hurt a lot. So I just asked for a little FPD, and I'm like, please, I need it. ASAP, give it to me. What else? Oh, yeah, I remember taking CPR classes at the hospital. I remember touring the hospital, and they were always telling us, this is the best place to give birth in all of Houston. And I'm gonna talk about it later. Some experiences I had at the hospital that might have not worked with their slogan.

Did not live up to hype.

Yeah. All the classes, all the breathing techniques. I even made my parents take some classes because I told you some stories of them. So yeah, because again, I had never held a baby. I mean, I only held one baby, and then Mati was supposed to be the second one. So I really needed to be educated on how to change a baby, how to feed them, how to manage them. So really thankful for that nonprofit. Because they really helped other ladies too. Like I remember they said, if you finish all the classes, we'll give you some big items like a car seat or something. And thankfully, we had some great people that helped us for the baby shower, so we didn't really need much. But it's a nice resource to have for the city.

Yeah, that's awesome. Do you remember the name of the nonprofit? Or if you don't, we can add it in later.

Yeah, I think it was called Downtown Pregnancy Center. I can't even look it up. Downtown Pregnancy Help Center in Houston, Texas.

Awesome. Well, I'll add a link to that because that sounds awesome. I mean, for whoever is listening in that area, or at least knowing that there's nonprofits like that out there, that's awesome. I'm glad that you could hook up with them and get those resources. And truly, I think a lot of people kind of downplay the day-to-day prep too, of like, well, but how am I actually going to like take care of this baby day-to-day versus just like, what's my birth plan? But it's like, okay, what's my baby plan? Right? Like, yeah, how often do you need to feed and all that stuff? And that's that's like something that I think we don't think about all the time. At least I don't think about when, you know, asking these questions or thinking about my own experience someday. It's like, okay, but like, how are you actually going to do this? And so I'm glad that you had that like aware self-awareness, and you also had resources to, you know, make kind of more of a like technical tactical plan. That's great.

Yeah.

Labor: Positive Delivery of a Big Baby With an Epidural at 42 Weeks

Awesome. Well, if you're ready, let's let's dive in. How were how did labor start for you and how did it go?

So I was actually very, very overdue. And my peak came around like after Thanksgiving time. And I think it was maybe 41 weeks and some days. So then the doctor was like, okay, we're going to schedule it like before Thanksgiving. And I was like, great. Yeah, it's scheduled at induction. Like, yeah, that's fine. And then days passed, nothing. Baby didn't talk, doctor didn't call, so I was getting worried. Doctor finally called her on Thanksgiving time. He's like, hey, so no one's answering. I'm like, what do you mean no one's answering the phone of the, one of the biggest hospitals in the medical center? He's like, yeah, I'm going to keep trying, but just let me know if you have any emergencies. I'm like, okay. So we waited until Saturday, like after the holiday. And they were, and then I was scheduled to, for induction that Saturday. And then I started having contractions that same Saturday, actually. So I was like, perfect. I was going to get induced anyway. We go to the hospital, and I was not progressing that fast. And again, Mati was very overdue, so they're like, let's just keep her son pitocin. And as soon as that hit, I was in pain so hard. I was just moving across the bed. All my breathing techniques went down the trash. Like, I felt so bad. I was working so hard on them, and it literally hit within 30 seconds as soon as they put that eidosin in. So I was like, you know what? Okay, the first thing they told us was to stand up, move around, don't forget about the pain. So I stood up, started walking around, and they caught me because I almost passed out.

Oh my gosh.

So they're like, hey, you're just gonna stay on the bed, you're gonna want to get the past out again. And I was like, you know what? Just give me that happy girl. And they're like, okay, yeah, that's fine. And oh my gosh, it made such a difference. I could think, I could talk, I could just watch TV, I could eat in peace, I could just chill. That was so, so nice.

Good.

So yeah, we were just watching a BYU game while I was working through some pushes. I was actually pushing while watching a BYU game. They did turn off the game right before he came out, but yeah, it was, I would do labor all over again, not recovery, but I would do labor all over again. It was a nice experience.

That's so good. And so was it mainly like the epidural that made it so positive? Or like, did you have good nurses?

Postpartum: Cranky Nurses, Negotiating Medical Bills, & Exclusively Pumping

No, thank you for bringing in the nurses. Oh, no. So I did have great nurses, but then at the end, I did have one. No, I wouldn't say bad. She was just very stressed because she was, there was. Oh, OK. Let me. Um, hospital was great. The food was amazing. So good. Labor went fast. No problems. OK.

OK.

Actually, there was a little problem. Mati was huge. I'm tiny. Peruvians are tiny. Dallin’s not. So I take him up big, especially because he was overdue. And so he wasn't coming out. So we were just pushing for like hours. And we're like, well, if he doesn't come out, it has to be a c-section. I'm like, no, please. We're almost there, I think. So anyway, he finally came. But there was no issue. Just like a two degree tear, which sucked later. But the doctor said, OK, just, you're good to go the next day. Because that was, I think, I gave birth Saturday night. It came around 4 a.m. on Sunday. And he was like, you're good to go. Just recover, take some pills. Also, the only pills they give you for birth are just Tylenol and Ibuprofen. I don't know if you knew that, but I was shocked.

That's crazy.

But I'm like, OK, that's what I get. I put a headache, too.

Yeah.

So, yeah. And then we're waiting, and I'm waiting, and then days passed and I was still in the hospital. So all my nurses wake up at just the last one. I'm a person that does not like to bother people. Like, I'm an introvert. So if someone's like scamming me, I'll be like, OK, I'm sorry. Like, I don't know how to explain what kind of person I am, but OK, person that's afraid to speak up. There we go. So I know they have like this button that you can call your nurse, and then I just never pressed it until we were waiting there for like the third day. And I was like, hey, I just want to know when I can leave. And then she just, I think, had a mental breakdown and just screamed and said like, I cannot deal with this right now. And there's a mom on the other side that just lost her baby. And I'm like, oh my gosh. Like, not just that she's like screamed at me, but also I'm here having a baby and then just a mom just lost her baby. Like that was so sad. But I don't know, that just made me so, so sad that someone just lost her baby. And probably we're just here having one. I don't know. Yeah, it was awful.

So I just didn't talk for the entire rest of the day, and then we were finally let go. And the reason why I was also waiting for us to get out of the hospital, my job doesn't have a good insurance. When I had FOMO at the beginning, as I said, all my friends were, you know, their husbands were in school. So most of them had Medicaid. I'm like, okay, yeah, we'll probably qualify for that, right? Well, some people think that immigrants get benefits and all this crap, but we don't. I've been in the US for years and years, and, you know, working for a non-profit that helps a community, I feel like, okay, maybe I'll just get it for this year, while they're all just in school, and we'll be good. But you have to have a green card for five years at least to be able to qualify for government help. And I was like, oh, oops. But yeah, getting a green card takes a while, because you have to apply for it, get money to apply for it, and then wait for it. And then when I checked how long I had the green card for, it was like four years and a few months. I was like, just right there. But yeah, dang, I didn't qualify. My team didn't qualify, so that was really nice. So yeah, we still had to pay thousands, but not when I checked the bill, it was like $26,000 just for a hospital stay. And I was like, oh, no. But I don't know if you heard, they sometimes tell you to check for the itemized bill, to like see if you can fight it off. And I did, and yeah, I did fight it off, and I just, they lowered it for just a few thousands, I think it was $6,000.

Which I guess is a little bit more doable. Because I'm curious, so did you not have any insurance? Like you didn't qualify for insurance through work? Or was it just that the insurance that you had at work wasn't good?

It was not good.

Okay, yeah.

I did have insurance from work, but it was not good. And it only covered me, like it wouldn't cover Mati.

That's so interesting. That's so weird.

Yeah, but then, yeah, it's just like a non-profit. Sure, you don't get good benefits, you don't get good pay, but at least you're helping the community. I just went in thinking like, oh, it's fine, I will get Medicaid like my friends and it should be okay. But I completely messed up on that. Like I should have maybe waited a little bit more. But I didn't know all the rules about getting help, so.

No, I didn't know that either. I mean, there's a whole conversation there we don't need to get into, but I'm glad that you had the insurance to work and that you're able to fight through the itemized bill. But man, that's like, what a blindsided curveball.

Yeah, and then having that on as a student, just being able to pay those bills was like a little rough, but, you know, we made it through. So if you're insured it's not working or it's not the best, just to fight, like fight for the itemized bill, fight for them to lower the cost, and then insurance sometimes will also lower it. So you don't only have to pay for the hospital visit, but also the anesthesiologist, the doctor, you know, all these crazy little things. Even so when I asked for the itemized bill, they even show you the Tylenol and I would profit if they gave you, and it was $12 each, each little pill of the generic.

You're like, I'll just bring my own next time!

No, yeah, so honestly, next time, I will pack it in my bag. Oh, I should have just done that, because I remember they would ask you like, do you want more Tylenol? I'm like, yeah, give me more. I should have just said no. So, yeah, that was birth. Again, hospital food, the best. I didn't know it was going to be that good.

Good, and were they letting you eat during labor, or was that just the food that you had after?

After, so before, it was just liquids, just in case something happened and they had to take you to a gynecologist section.

Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. That's kind of what I have heard, especially if you are on pitocin and stuff, it's hard to, you know, they're like, no, I'm like, let's just keep you on fluids in case you need a C-section or something. So, but I'm glad that the food afterwards was good. That's like a good little reward.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I was just like, just let us out of here. And then another thing why the hospital experience wasn't the best. So on Sunday, you know, Mati is sweet, he's a chunky baby, and breastfeeding was not working. And I was like, are there any lactation consultants? Because my insurance at least covered lactation consultants. And they're like, no, they're not here on Sundays. This is a hospital. I thought it was the best hospital to give birth in. Like, it's not Chick-fil-A! Come on! So I was a little mad at that. So, honestly, there was one nurse that helped me a lot, and it kind of worked for a little bit, but then just Mati was not having it. He was born with a very tight body. Like, he doesn't have any issues now, but ever since he was one, he could lift his head up with no issues. I'm like, dude, they're not supposed to listen to it later. So I went to a doctor to do something later, and they would tell me, oh, yeah, he's just too tight. Don't swallow him. And then not swallowing your baby was rough because babies like to be swallowed to sleep. But the lactation growth was no less. No, don't swallow him because his body is too tight. He just wants to be free. But that didn't work. They checked him for lip ties, pediatrician and lactation growth and said he doesn't have it. So I don't know what was it, but I was just pumping full time. And we lasted about 10 months because dang, it's rough.

Ten months just pumping and bottle feeding from pumping? That's incredible. That's so much.

We used to do it for most of the time because I was also not producing much. But yeah, I was just doing it full time and then I should have gotten those. Not the ones that you attach to the wall, because I was just attached to a wall every two to four hours.

Wearable ones?

Yeah, the wearable ones. Yeah, I only got them at the end, because Mati was moving so much, and being more mobile, and you want to make sure he doesn't... He will scream for milk, and you're just like, wait, just a second.

I'm working on it. Your order will be up in just one minute. Yeah.

She might be like, you couldn't even have bought these, I'm sorry. So yeah, it was comfortable time is rough, because the only time you have free for you to take a nap, you have to pump. And yeah, it's not rough, so... Oh well, but at least we went through it.

That is amazing. Truly, like, kudos. That is not an easy choice. And so that's awesome that you're able to do that, especially to not be mobily pumping for most of that time. That is next level. So truly, hats off to you. That's a lot.

It was rough. I remember just hearing Mati crying. I'm like, I cannot move. And, you know, when you're postpartum, you have all your hormones all messed up. So I was just crying at him crying. I was thinking like, oh my gosh, I'm going to traumatize him because I'm not picking him up and I'm just stuck in this wall. Oh, but that first year was rough, but now it's better.

Yeah, yeah. Well, I can imagine because so your husband was still in school. Was he in residency at that point? Is that what it's called? I don't know all the medical terms.

No, you're good. I'm interested in last year's residency, but he still wasn't the third year, I think, or close to the fourth. So he still had to practice for the boards. And he was doing that and also helping and being the best dad.

That is so great.

Thankfully, my parents came over for two months, so that was nice.

Oh, man. Studying for the boards while having a newborn, while... I know your husband just a teeny bit just from hanging out in college. He's such a sweet person, and so I'm sure that he was trying to do all that he could do, but I know that a ton of it probably just still landed on your lap because he was working for your family in a different way. And so for y'all to do that together and being, you know, far away from parents and all that stuff, that's a lot. And so I'm just like, again, kudos, because that is no easy task.

Thank you. Well, thank him. He was so nice. I forgot to say that was part of the kind of sucked a little bit too, because his Mati was huge. He was like, I think, 9.8, a little bit around 9.8.

That's a big baby for anybody. But like you said, like you're, well, how tall are you? Do you know?

I'm 5'4, which honestly for Peruvians is like a little bit more than average. Yeah, so, but so then I tear, and I remember my family came over, like all my family, like my parents, my aunt, my siblings, I guess just one sibling. And then I also had a friend come over. So and we were living in a tiny two-bedroom apartment, which is one bathroom, we were packed. But, you know, everyone wanted to meet him because he was like the first one, the first grandkid, and I love being a host. So I was like, oh my gosh, let's go to all these places. Let's go to the museums and the Seuss and NASA. And it sounded good back then, but once you were actually walking through everything after just giving birth, it was so bad. So, so bad. So recovery was rough, but I survived thanks to, I don't know if you can sponsor it, Frida. But Frida is sponsoring you.

Yes!

Their first-part kit is so good. That's the only thing that made me at least feel a little bit better.

Yeah. I've seen their kits, of all the foams and underwear and frozen pads and everything.

Yeah. So if you want to give someone a gift for their pregnancy or the baby shower, get them a Frida post-partum kit. It's a little expensive, but it's so worth it.

Yes!

Or that one or meals. My really good friend, Leanne, if she listens to this, she gave me this big, I don't know what it was, but it was a big meal that you can put in the freezer. And that was so nice. So that's awesome. Meals and post-partum presents, they are the best.

Yes. I've noticed at the baby showers that I've been to recently, I've noticed that there is more of a focus on gifts for mom as well. Like, yeah, let's get the baby all the gear, right? Like you were saying, that was super helpful to get the gear. But to just throw something in there for mom, you know, or whatever. It's such a good thing. I feel like our friends, like our generation is doing a little bit more of, of like seeing both people fully, right? Of like the baby needs all this stuff, but mom needs a lot of stuff too. So that is great tips if anyone's going to baby shower soon. Anyway, wonderful. Well, thank you so much for like sharing your experiences today. I feel like you've added such like awesome perspectives of, you know, not only were you supporting your husband going through school, like going through medical school, that's next level, but also to have your family far away to be adjusting to crazy new systems and all the things. So it's been super, super awesome and interesting just to like see these experiences from such a different lens. So thank you. I would love to know, I always love to ask if you could go back and talk to your pre-mom self, what is one thing that you would say to her?

To My Pre-Mom Self…

Oh, I guess, honestly, my friends told me this, like if you don't like something that's going on, just speak up. And I didn't, but I feel like if I would have just for myself, I would have spoken up. Yeah, maybe like change your nurse if you don't like her, or change your doctor. Like maybe it might be too late, but it could help a lot. Or what else? I guess also just hold tight on those friendships, because those aren't obviously the ones that helped me go to pregnancy. Yeah, and I guess just enjoy the moments. Because yeah, I'm looking at the pictures, I'm like, oh dang. So I remember Mati, we used to put him in the crib, and then he would cry because he wanted to be in our arms. And then when he finally got used to the crib, he didn't want to be in our arms. So now I'm like, should enjoy those moments more. So yeah, now he's a little teenager and just wants to sleep by himself.

Yeah. No, I feel like I've heard a couple of friends be like, okay, someday my baby won't want me to hold him 24 seven. And that sounds so nice right now, but I'm gonna like, you know, just trying to like remember that it won't always be that way. So that's, I think that that's a totally like applicable like piece of advice for everybody, right? Even if whatever stage your baby's at, or even if you don't have babies, like just like trying to be as present as possible, even though sometimes the present includes your baby crying while you're hooked up to a breast pump on a wall that you can't move.

Oh yeah.

Well, thank you so much for being on the podcast today. I was so, it was so great talking to you and getting your perspectives on everything. And just I'm so glad that y'all are in a more like settled place as a family, and that you can start to make up for some lost time to the studying and just kind of be more settled together.

Yeah. Now thank you for having me. I am excited to listen to all the other episodes, and I love listening to Labor Stories. It's just that each one is so unique, so it's kind of fun.

It is so fun. It is. And it was so fun just for you to have found the podcast just from Facebook, right? Just, or whatever.

Yeah, I just saw your story, and I was like, oh my gosh, cool. Do people have this? I've never heard of a podcast like this.

Well, I'm so glad. I'm so glad that now you can be an episode on it and just be part of the friend group, right? Of like, you had your friend group that helped you feel comfortable, and now we're helping build a bigger friend group. So truly, thank you for bringing your perspective and just your fun to it, like everything.

Yeah, thank you.

Of course, thank you!

Alright, y'all, a huge thanks to Valeria for being on the podcast today. Isn't she so fun? I loved her perspective. I loved the way that she approached so many things. And I just feel like she was the perfect guest to celebrate our 10th episode with. So I'm so grateful that she was on today.

10 Lessons From 10 Episodes

Like I mentioned at the beginning, I wanted to end today's episode by sharing 10 things I've learned in these past 10 episodes. And it was kind of hard putting this list together because I feel like so many of these feelings are so hard to put back into words, but especially those of you that have been following along week after week, I really feel like you'll get what I'm saying with these because there's just been tender moments in these episodes that I totally feel like have become almost like core memories to me of things that have helped me grow, not just as like a non-mom friend or not as like a podcast host, but just as like a person in the world trying to show up for other people. And I just wanted to take a moment and celebrate that and share a couple thoughts.

So number one is that I've learned so many new medical things that I did not know before, and I'm by no means a medical expert in the slightest. But I thought I kind of had a lay of the land a little bit, but oh my gosh, there are so many extra things that can happen to a person, which like looking back, it's like, okay, yeah, of course, like this is the craziest thing that the human body can do. Of course, there's going to be extra medical things going on. But a couple of the things I've learned about that I did not know existed before are subchronic hematomas. You're going to have to bear with me with pronouncing all these huge words, subchronic hematomas, polyhydraminos, the concept of rhogam shots as a whole. Again, just a huge thing that I feel like I'd never heard of before, that just completely was out of my field of vision. So grateful to have learned about that. I've learned about choleostasis and how it's not just itchiness, it's like an actual important thing to pay attention to. And I've learned that being tall means that epidurals may need an extra oomph to completely work on me, and that because I'm tall, I have a slightly higher chance of having twins, which much to my husband's chagrin is something that I have now since heard many times. So all these things, I like maybe would have heard about, but that's like five, yeah, like five new medical terms that I've learned in 10 episodes. So I can only imagine as we keep going, I just, my dictionary of knowledge in my brain will just expand so much.

Okay, number two, and I feel strongly about this. So many medical professionals need to touch grass, like seriously need to touch grass. They need to realize that, okay, yes, maybe this is just clocking in, clocking out for you, but these women are experiencing the most incredible, insane thing that anyone can ever experience, and you're going to say these weird things to them, you're going to hint that life finds a way after you've cut her tubes, after she has had three c-sections and is electing to not have any more children. You're going to tell her that her baby's gross after she just made that baby for nine months. You're going to, like Valeria's episode today, you're going to yell at her for literally no reason, just because it's been a little rough of a day. Like, I get it. Listen, kind of. I get it. Like, I get jobs are hard, and I seriously mad respect to people that are in the medical field because that's next level hard. But we need to take a serious look in the mirror if, especially having babies, like the most magical, miraculous thing you get to see every day, if you're so desensitized and you're saying this junk to women, touch grass. You know those little patches of grass that you can order for your dog if you live in an apartment, like a fresh patch? They need to start supplying those to hospital break rooms. This is my platform and my campaign for 2026 or whatever. Yeah, so join me. Go find me coming out soon because, yeah, medical professionals need to touch grass. Okay? All right. Now, shift and gears a little bit.

Number three, I've learned that postpartum needs to be talked about just as much, if not more so than labor. I will admit that my driving interest to start in this podcast was to hear about the labor experience itself. It's still something that I find so amazing. Like, if a birth vlog pops up in my feed, I'm absolutely hooked. And so I almost didn't include the postpartum experience in the format of the show because it honestly just seemed a little bit less interesting to me. But oh my goodness, I was wrong. And oh my goodness, am I so grateful that I've gotten to talk to my friends about their experiences. I am so grateful that they haven't just like gleaned over, oh yeah, it was hard, but mom and baby are fine. I was fine. Like I get how in passing, sometimes you just need to say that, like totally get that sometimes it's not the time of the place. But I'm so grateful that this has become a place where people can take a second and actually talk about their postpartum experience. It is so complex, which I think attributes to like why we don't talk about it so much, because we live in a world where like things need to be very snappy. They need to be black and white. They need to be packaged up and easy to understand, because so many things are like flying across our screen, across our brain every second, that if things are complex, a lot of times they just kind of get filed away. And I am truly so sorry that I had never really taken the time to sit with my friends during their full experience and hearing their full experience. I definitely found, you know, like other parts easy to talk about. And postpartum, I didn't really know how to talk about. And so I'm grateful that this has been a space where I can practice that. And we're opening up some dialogue that has been closed in the past. And it's helping me so much. And so I can only imagine how much it's helping y'all as listeners to be equipped to talk and support your friends through their postpartum experience. So that's been a huge thing that I've learned along those lines.

Number four, I've learned that most of the time, the most helpful thing you can do for another woman is to show up and to shut up. Again, if we're adding to our future bumper stickers list, I think that's a good one. Show up and shut up, okay? Let her vent. She needs your listening ear like 98% of the time. And the other 2% of the time, she will most likely ask you your thoughts or start the conversation that way. But on my website, in my About section, I talk about how I'm like ever covering attention addict, where most of the time, I just try to fill silence because I think that that's helping the situation. But this podcast is forcing me to shut up and to listen, and oh my gosh, I feel like 10 times more connected with the friend I'm hanging out with. And so especially for moms that are like processing things for the first time, or you know, they don't have to be moms like if someone has a life-changing experience, and they are trying to navigate their feelings about it for the first time, just being there and being quiet is such a powerful thing. And it's translated into like my real life. And I feel like my friendships have become so much more meaningful to me, because we're not just trying to like talk about service things. But if you can just sit in the silence for like a second longer, a lot of times those really important conversations naturally come up, which I feel like, you know, for maybe less, what's the word, for less extra people, I will say, that's probably obvious. But for me, who's just kind of always been a little chatty Cathy, it has been a huge lesson and one that I also think my husband appreciates. So again, so grateful that I'm learning this now early on in the podcast.

Alright. Number five, this whole experience has taught me that the process of bringing humans into the world is so much more up to chance than my little control freak self thought it would be. And at first, that is a thought that terrified me. Because again, I like my plans. I like to at least have a semblance of an idea of what's going on, right? And, you know, birth and all this stuff, like birth and labor and postpartum and like being a parent in general, probably something you don't want to just like go in blind to. But it's not something that you can control by any means. It doesn't seem. So again, at first, that was scary. But then, honestly, like even just a couple episodes in, I started to realize that that's kind of freeing of like, yeah, do what you can. Don't do anything outright negative towards yourself or your baby. But like, do what you can. And what's gonna happen is kind of what's gonna happen. And so just make sure that you're like, surrounding yourself with people that are gonna walk with you through whatever craziness comes ahead. So it's helping me prepare now to like, in more areas of my life, just to try to even just bring some curiosity of like, okay, what if everything does go off the rails? How will I get through? And the answer seems to be similar to what I'm learning from these stories, which is, well, even if everything goes wrong, you still have your husband, you still have your family, you still have your friends. For me, I still have my relationship with God, and whatever other things can help ground people. And if I can be that grounding person to someone else, oh my gosh, what a privilege, what a beautiful human connecting thing.

Alright, number six. This kind of goes back to what I was talking about before, but I have learned how to better sit with my friends in discomfort. I did not know how to talk to my friends about miscarriage, talk to them about postpartum depression, infertility, or just disappointments, right? Like that come with life, but especially big life changes, like bringing life into the world. And I'll say, like, it's still is something that's hard for me, especially, you know, like in a more organic setting than having a podcast with a friend where everything's kind of laid out as like, okay, well, we're going to talk about this and that and whatever. But to practice sitting with my friends in their discomfort here on the podcast has made me a better friend and a better person because again, like, rather than trying to fill that uncomfortable silence or rather than trying to just float over the more difficult topics, it's helped me have a desire to try and to try imperfectly because that is actually more loving, I think. It's more loving to imperfectly try to show up than try to withhold yourself from your friends until you feel like, oh, well, I have the perfect question or I have the perfect solution or whatever. It's worth so much more, I think, to just show up and to sit with them in their feelings. And that, again, is just a beautiful thing that I feel like is helping me grow as a person that wants to show up for people but doesn't always know how to.

Alright, number seven. It takes vulnerability to be a village for somebody. This kind of goes, and again, they all kind of connect, right? But I have wanted to show up for my friends way, way more than I ever have in the past since starting this podcast. I, like, you know, I've shared before, like, I'm still learning how to have really strong female friendships in my life, and this podcast is really helping me be more brave in how I show up, and more helpful, hopefully, in how I show up, where I'm trying really hard in real life to not just be like, oh my gosh, well, let me know if you need anything. I'm trying to offer, like, actual offers of, like, hey, tell me when you need to take a nap, and I'll come over and I'll watch your kids, right? And I'm still, still feels awkward, I'll say, but I'm learning that, like, it's vulnerable to offer help and it's vulnerable to accept help. And so, like, no one is on, like, the higher ground, no one has the easier job. It's just two people trying to love each other and to accept feeling loved in ways that may be uncomfortable. And so, I've noticed that my friends that have a village that I really look up to, they're usually the friends that are vulnerable and will just show up, even if they don't know exactly how to show up. And they also know how to accept their friends that show up for them. And so, I want to be more vulnerable so that I can be a village and attract a village as well.

Alright, number eight is that every experience is so different, which again, makes sense, but it wasn't until I started to sit down with my friends and really like dig deeper, that even if, like on paper, things seem to go pretty positive for a mom, there still are huge differences in her experience. And so just because, you know, a mom has an easy pregnancy doesn't mean she'll have an easy recovery. Or just because she had a positive experience with her first child doesn't mean her second child will be that positive or her third or her fourth or whatever, right? It's just a reminder to check in on your mom friends, which is something that I feel like comes up a lot and something that I'm trying to not just say, I'm trying harder to do.

Alright, number nine, every experience is worth sharing. And this is one that comes up a ton, especially when I tell my friends, oh yeah, I have a podcast about my friend's birth experiences. And a lot of them are like, oh, well, I don't have that interesting of a story or whatever. You know, they're so quick to just kind of downplay their experience. And I've had a lot of friends even on the podcast say something along the lines of like, well, I can't really complain much because I know someone who had a way worse pregnancy or I know someone who had a way worse postpartum experience. And I think it's important that we acknowledge, like, yes, obviously, like, people can have it objectively maybe harder or more complex. But that doesn't mean that I don't want to hear about your experience. It doesn't mean that your perspective doesn't matter. And it doesn't mean that your perspective isn't valid. A lot of times when friends say that, they'll just kind of like move on and then something will kind of bring them back to that story. And then they start talking and it's so insightful. It's so interesting. And it adds so much to my understanding of people's experiences. And so I don't know if that makes sense. They kind of lost my train of thought on that one a little bit. But all I'm trying to say is that I'm grateful that I can hear about those experiences. That sometimes people on the surface might be like, oh, well, it's not that big of a deal. It's like, okay, well, I still love to hear. I'd still have to know. And then it turns into these beautiful insights, these hilarious little anecdotes, or these super touching, life-changing little moments.

And number ten, women are so much more amazing than I already thought they were. Seriously, like, I'm so grateful to be a woman. I'm so grateful to have this like connective tissue with women. I just, it's just such a beautiful relationship. That's so hard to explain fully. And I'm so grateful to be at a point in my life where I'm really leading in to the power of womanhood and the power of the women around me. I feel like there's a lot of forces like trying to make women like compare themselves to each other or to be competitive or to differentiate themselves from each other. And I'm grateful that I feel like even more so, there's this opposing force of community and of love and of nurturing and of learning together and supporting one another and cheering each other on. And it's just, it's something that has taken me a long time to tap into, and it's something that I honestly didn't expect to feel so strongly as I started this podcast. But it is like the lifeblood of The Labor Line in my mind. And I'm just grateful. I'm so grateful to be a woman and to be a part of a community that celebrates so many of these amazingly divinely feminine qualities.

So that's my list, and I'm so grateful for the opportunity to share these important stories with y'all week after week. I'm so grateful to grow into a better friend as I do that. Thank you so much for your continued support, not just of me, but of the women who have shared their stories and who will share their stories. And dear friend, if you've made it this far, I will tell you that next week, I will finally tell y'all about the secret project I've been working on for the podcast. So I'm so, so excited. I'm a little nervous, but I'm really excited. So keep an eye on Instagram, because it'll hit there a couple days before next week's episode. All right, is that enough of a teaser for you? Are you sufficiently on the edge of your seat? I hope so. And I hope it means that I'll see you same time next week.

K, love you, bye!