Miraculous Fertility + Battling Breastfeeding | Kylie's Birth Story

Introducing: The Labor Line!!

So the doctor's up there, and she's like, push, push, push harder.

I'm like, push harder?

You don't think I've been as hard as I can this whole time? Like, push harder, shut up!

Hey y'all, welcome to The Labor Line, a non-mom's authentic look into the birth experiences of her mom friends. I'm your host, Emily, and welcome to the first ever episode of The Labor Line. I am so excited that you're here. I have been dreaming of this day for like three years. So thank you so much for being here, especially on day one. 

Like I said, I am not a mom, but I hope to be someday. And I have just always been enamored by the process of bringing little humans into the world. I truly do mean always. When I was like five or six years old, I have memories of waking up early and sneaking downstairs to the family TV and watching those TLC birthing shows. And we had a huge early 2000s TV, the ones that were like as deep as they were wide. And so I would sit as close as I possibly could to that thing and turn the volume super quiet, so no one would hear me. But of course, my mom saw me one day, because moms always know what's up around the house. And I was so embarrassed for some reason. I don't know why. I just, I think I just was self aware enough to know that it wasn't normal six year old behavior. But I had no reason to be embarrassed. She was so sweet. And she actually ended up fostering that interest in me. She got me one of those pregnant Barbies, Midge, the ones that they make fun of in the Barbie movie. And rightfully so, those things were pretty funky. They had like the magnetic belly, the baby fit in there. And so anyways, regardless of the weirdness, it was my favorite Barbie. And I am positive that I traumatized my fair share of 14 year old babysitters who were just wanting to play normal Barbies. And then I start saying weird stuff like, baby is in distress, mom's only six centimeters dilated, but baby's heart rate is dropping, so we've got to rush into a c-section. And so if you are one of those old babysitters, I am truly so sorry if that was traumatizing to you. Maybe I started some good conversations like with your mom when you got home, but still, sorry about that. 

But the bug of labor and all that stuff never left me. I thought I might be a doctor at one point, but then I very quickly realized that I don't like school or bodily fluids enough for that. So I studied public health and I focused my studies on maternal health. I worked for a nonprofit that helped moms for a while, and that was incredible. And I even did a short stint as a doula, which I'm sure I'll get more into in later episodes. But then I just kind of started to do some more random stuff while I was supporting my husband Nate, as he was finishing his schooling and starting his career. So he and I have been married for four years. We have a super cute dog named Magnolia, and we just moved to the South Austin area. So I actually grew up in Texas, and so it feels wonderful to be back home.

But enough about me, you're like, why am I here? Why am I listening to this? Why do I care? Well, if you are listening to this, I could bet some good money that you were birthed by someone. So automatically, you are a part of this. I think we often take birth for granted. It happens all day, every day, but seeing it that way discredits the life-altering experience it is for moms who go through that, and the families that go through that. So at The Labor Line, I want to elevate mom's stories and help all of us, whether you have 12 kids or you never plan on having your own kids, helping us all see that there is value in sitting with our friends and listening to their stories and that act in and of itself is beautiful, and worthwhile. There's a lot of other birth podcasts out there that are more like, welcome to the Chakra alignment for birth, or that are super clinical. Both have their place. Don't get me wrong. I love my chakras. I love learning about the clinical side of birth, but that's just not how my friends and I talk. 99% of the time, we're being loud, we're being silly, but we're also sincere, but then one second, we'll be laughing, the next, we'll be crying and then making another dumb joke. And so sometimes while listening, you may hear little voices of their kids in the background, or a mom may need to circle back and be like, oh, wait, I forgot this detail or whatever. But that's great because in reality, these are just conversations between friends. It's like if you overheard a phone call. And so I am so grateful for the women that have shared their stories and for the ones that will share their stories with us in the future. So if all this is your vibe too, welcome. I am so grateful that you're listening, and I hope that you'll stick around and that you'll subscribe wherever you're finding this podcast and that you'll follow along on Instagram at The Labor Line. But truly, if you are listening to this, you are automatically my friend. So thank you. 

Meet Kylie

Speaking of friends, today we have my friend Kylie on the line with us. Kylie was truly my first friend when I moved to Colorado. Nate and I only lived in Colorado for like a little over a year, but oh my gosh. It was such a tough time. Nate and I were barely making ends meet, just from like weird work stuff. And so I was an emotional wreck like 99% of the time. But along came Kylie into my life. She and I actually met working at Trader Joe's. 

So like I mentioned, I'd been kind of floating around from job to job, just filling whatever need we had at the time. And so I originally started working for Trader Joe's in Salt Lake City when Nate and I were first married because we needed health insurance. And word to the wise, Trader Joe's has some of the best health insurance around. It's, I don't know. They just, they take good care of you. 

So I'd been working there for like a year when Nate and I moved to Colorado, and that is where I met Kylie is when I transferred to the Colorado Springs store. So she was the head artist. A lot of people don't seem to know that 100% of the signage at Trader Joe's is hand-done. So even something like a potato, the label for it is all handwritten, and our location, you even had to do bullet points. So you had to like think of some insight to add at the bottom of this label for potatoes. We'd come up with dumb stuff like smash them, mash them, or turn it into a clock or something so dumb. Anyways, so Kylie was actually the one who pushed for me to join the sign team. And I've done art just for fun my whole life, but just through a conversation that we had one day, she was like, you should join the art team, and she made that possible, and it was incredible. We had a ball together, and I think we became so close because we were close in proximity, for one thing. The art room is teeny tiny. It's like maybe 10 feet by 8 feet, if that, and we were stuck in that room together for like 40 hours a week, and so we would just talk and talk and talk, and she and I share a lot of views, including our faith, and so she was just a huge support for me during that difficult time in Colorado. Kylie became pregnant about eight months into my knowing her, and she had her baby just a few weeks after I moved to Texas, so I truly did have like a front row seat to her whole pregnancy journey. 

Today, she will share her experiences with fertility. She has an incredible story with that, and her physical struggles with pregnancy, and then persevering through a difficult start to breastfeeding. Sadly, her sweet dad passed away when she was just three months postpartum, and so she shares her tender experiences with that today. And so, we are grateful for her vulnerability and openness in sharing her story. Kylie also mentions some great resources which I will have linked in the show notes below, and on my Instagram at The Labor Line. So, without any further introduction, let's go to her story. 

Kylie & Zoe

Kylie, welcome to the podcast. Introduce yourself, let us know what you're up to. Tell us a little about your family.

Hi, my name is Kylie, and thanks for having me, Emily. I'm excited to be a part of this. And, let's see, what am I up to? Mom, being a mom, it's a full time job. I am not working, I'm just being a mom. So, I'm also kind of taking care of my mom, which is also a second full time job. So, I am very busy during the days, just being a mom, being a daughter, being a housewife. And so, yeah, that's just kind of what I'm up to. Enjoying my baby growing and watching her.

I love that, I love that. And well, you say just a mom, but I'm glad that you added those other things, because well, first of all, there's no such thing as being just a mom. That in and of itself is like, I mean, not even a 24-7 job, it is like a 34-17 job, you know?

Totally.

As all-consuming as possible. And you are just one of the most compassionate, caring, all-in people I know. And so I know that those other roles that you mentioned are being just as cared for as your new girl. And her name is Zoe, and she's nine months old, is that right?

Yes, Zoe Sheridan. And yep, she just turned nine months a couple days ago. So yeah, it's just every week is different with a growing baby. It's crazy.

Yes. And I love you do such cute posts about her on social media. Like I mentioned at the beginning, Kylie and I met in the art room. And so Kylie is like such a beautiful, creative, artistic soul. And so that also translates to being a mom. And her posts are so stinking cute. And Zoe is just like the most smiling, cute baby ever. So you definitely scored with that one.

Yeah, it helps that she's real smiley and and cute because, you know, they're about her.

So exactly, no, she's a little photogenic queen. Well, let's just jump right in if you're if you're good to go.

A Winding Road to Pregnancy

Yeah, sure. I guess it started with not wanting kids. I me and my husband met when we were I was 19 and he was 21. And my whole life, I had kind of felt like having kids with something you just did. You just grew up and you had kids. That's what you did. And I was probably in my early 20s. And I thought, you know, I don't, I guess I don't have to have kids if I don't want to. I always felt like it was this thing I had to do. And then one day when I was thinking about doing it, I think honestly, it was the anxiety of, of raising a family because it's extremely hard. And honestly, with the world, you know, being, you don't know what it's going to be in 50 years. Are we going to be fighting over water? I don't know. You know, and so you look at the world around you and you're like, wow, we're already so overpopulated. Maybe I shouldn't have kids. And then I would, especially working at Trader Joe's and seeing moms, you know, moms would come in with six kids and I'd be like, how come she can have six kids? And I can't, I, you know, I'm over here trying to do the world a favor and not even have one. And I, and I kind of, I think therapy helped me kind of realize, like, why am I mad at that mom for having so many kids? Not mad, more like, well, how come she can have six? If she had just one less, maybe I could have one. And so slowly in my mind, I was thinking, well, you know, maybe I do want kids. I think that everybody has the want to have kids. It's kind of like a maternal thing. And even my husband was like, well, of course, I, of course, it'd be fun to have a kid, but with the world and the overpopulation and, and all this fighting for food and all the people who don't have parents. And it's just, there's a lot of reasons not to.

And then, I was 30 and I remember I have a, I have a girlfriend of mine who I've known since sixth grade and she ended up marrying a friend that we went to high school with. So I know her and her husband very well. And she came down to see me at my zoo, the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo, and her little boy was playing, oh, backtrack a little bit. The other thing is I thought, well, if I have a kid, I'd want it to be a girl. And it's not really fair to have a baby and only want a girl. That's not really fair if I were to have a boy. That wouldn't be fair to a boy. So that was kind of another reason for me not to have kids. So fast forward back to the zoo trip. We're at the zoo. I've been feeling, you know, you hit 30 and you feel a little bit older. That's for sure. 30 feels different than your 20s. I was watching her little boy play at the zoo and her little boy is a spinning image of her husband, who like I said, I know very well. And I thought, you know, if I had a little Kyle, which is my husband's name, if I had a little Kyle, I think I would be happy. And right then my mind switched. And I was like, wow, I think I want to have kids. If I'm okay with having a boy, then maybe it doesn't matter, you know?

So I got home from the zoo that day and I told my husband that I had changed my mind, that I wanted to have kids. And he was like, what? We had decided we weren’t going to have kids. And I'm like, I know, I know, I'm sorry. And then it was hard for, because for about six months, we really went back and forth about it, because my mind had switched and his hadn't yet. And so I would just, I'd get really upset and I would be like, I just, I feel like I really want to be a mom. And he'd be like, you know, my husband's a very, very sweet and compassionate man. And he's like, I understand that your mind switched, but mine cannot switch that fast. You know, I'm still on the, I don't think we should have a kid because of the world and overpopulation and we don't have the money and just all the laundry lists of reasons that we had talked about before. And so finally he jumped on the baby board, jumped on board the baby train.

And we decided, well, maybe we should just stop using protection. So I got off birth control and we just for a while didn't use protection. Then it wasn't happening. So then we, I started tracking ovulation and we started doing it to the time of ovulation. And we did that for about two years. So now fast forward, I'm now 33 and we've been trying for almost two years now. It was probably about a year and a half. Coming up on to every, we would have sex multiple times during the ovulation week. And I still wasn't getting pregnant and I was getting disappointed. And then I went and saw a friend who, who told me, don't pay attention to those ovulation trackers. You know, the little ones, my sister-in-law had given me a little watch that tracks your ovulation and I have the app and all the stuff. And she said, do not use those. You need to pee on an ovulation stick. Because she said, I was not ovulating when that ovulation tracker was telling me I was ovulating. And I said, okay. So I got the little pee sticks and I was peeing on it. And I was, I ended up finding out I was ovulating like a week before my period versus, you know, two weeks before my period. So we were doing that for a little bit and it still wasn't working.

And then the gynecologist, I went in, I said, hey, I'm not getting pregnant. What do I do? And I said, I'm worried I have endometriosis. And because I've had terrible periods my whole life. And they said, okay, well, the only we can't really tell if you have endometriosis by any test or anything. So what we can do is we can schedule the surgery and we can go in there. And if you have it, we cut it out or they laser out the scar tissue or whatever, the extra tissue. But if you don't have it, then we go in there and you don't have it. And I said, will it cost the same amount of money? And they said, yeah. I'm like, what? So if you go in there and I don't have endometriosis, you're gonna charge me for the surgery anyways? And they said, yeah. So I was like, well, okay, I guess let's get the surgery. So I had the surgery scheduled for like January, mid January. And I have a friend that me and Emily worked with. His name is John, and he's an older man. He actually reminds me a lot of my dad. And we are really good friends. And he is a very strong Christian man who is very gifted in prayer. And he came to me one day and he said, hey, God's telling me to pray for you. So he takes me outside and he puts his hand on me and he prays that I will have a fertile womb and that God will heal my endometriosis so that I don't need to have surgery. And that he said, not only heal her to have one baby, but multiple babies. And during his prayer, he said a sentence in Greek. And in the sentence, he said the name Zoe. And so he says the beautiful prayer and he's done praying. And I say, hey, what was that in the prayer that you said the name Zoe? What did, why did you say the name Zoe in the prayer? And he said, oh, Zoe just means life in Greek. And I said, oh, and I made a joke. I said, wouldn't that be crazy if I got pregnant and it was a girl and I named her Zoe. And we both laughed.

Oh my gosh, full body chills.

Yeah, fast forward, like, actually a couple of days before Christmas, I had got an ear infection and I was a few days late, but I had been a few days late before. And I took tests, multiple tests, and I would be all sad. Ooh, I'm getting emotional. I didn't know I would get emotional during this. I would be all sad because I'd be late and then I'd take a test and then I'd be negative. And then I'd be negative and then I'd be negative and then I get my period. And I'm like, okay. So I didn't take a test because I'd been a few days late before. And so I had the really crazy ear infection. I had been getting ear infections that whole year. And I went to the doctor and they gave me antibiotics. And I came home and I took the antibiotics. And then I started to think, oh no, I know you're not supposed to take antibiotics if you're pregnant. I should just take a test just to be sure I can take these antibiotics. And I took the test and I was positive. And then I took about 13 more tests. No joke. Because I was like, and I also have like a weird bladder thing where I can pee every like 20 minutes, enough to fill up a little cup. So I literally every 20 minutes was taking another pregnancy test. And so then my husband gets home and I'm like, I think I'm pregnant. And you know, I'm crying and I'm like, I think I'm pregnant. And then I had to deal with getting different antibiotics because I couldn't take regular enema and that was a whole ordeal because it was like two days before Christmas and I couldn't get to the pharmacies were closed and whatever. So then I thought we told our family on Christmas, even though it was I had only been pregnant for like three days. But we thought what a fun, what a fun Christmas present to tell people that were having a baby on Christmas. So we told my family and then we zoomed his family and we told them and it was really fun. 

Pregnancy: Carpal Tunnel, Birthing Prep, & Peeling Wallpaper

So yeah, so then I was pregnant. And then the first thing I noticed, I think was a metallic taste in my mouth is so weird. Supposedly, it's common. But I had this like constant weird metallic taste in my mouth. And I didn't feel super emotional, but I'm already an emotional person. So I also had been not eating sugar or wheat going into it because I was trying to lose weight before I got pregnant because I knew that I would be gaining weight during pregnancy. So then I just started eating everything. I'd also been vegan for five years and I had already started eating chicken because I was having protein deficiency problems. And so all bets were off, I started eating everything. I started eating dairy again, which I hadn't had in five years and was amazing. I started eating sugar again, which I hadn't had in six months, and wheat again. And so as far as cravings go, I'm not sure if I had any really crazy cravings other than now I could eat all these things I had been depriving myself of before. And so Emily has a picture of me taking a big old bite of this chocolate mousse cake that I hadn't had because it had dairy and sugar in it.

I was thinking of that picture as you were saying that it was so cute. It was so great because we'd be in the art room together and, you know, we're like sitting in this teeny little literal closet for eight hours at a time at a grocery store. And it's already hard for like just any regular Joe Schmo to not be like, oh my gosh, this sounds so good right now. And it's literally two feet away and I get a discount on it. But then, you know, you add these other factors and like you're saying and so so cute to be like, I think at one point you were like, oh, you should be my accountability buddies that I don't do this. And then that lasted like a day. And we're like, screw it. Let's just try all this stuff together. So it was so cute. Thank you for sharing about your amazing pregnancy journey. It was so special just to be there as all this was unfolding. I think I knew you for about eight months before you got pregnant. And so it's just really sweet to hear that story again. I'm curious, how did you prepare for labor and delivery? What resources or support did you find most helpful?

So I wasn't sure if I wanted to do an unmedicated birth or not. And my two very sweet sister-in-law's had both had unmedicated births. And they had recommended this book that I loved. And it was, Laboring like a Goddess. I don't know who it is by and I don't even really know. I think I read the book in my pool a lot and I think I ruined it in the pool because it fell in the pool a lot. So I don't think I saved it. But Labor like a Goddess. And it helped a lot. I will talk more about the part that I feel like I use the most in my labor story. But that was good. And then I also, I can't remember. And I can get you these. After we're done with this, Emily, I can probably get you the name of these people who do this. But it was like an online course and it was called Practically Pain-Free Labor or something like that. I can get you the actual name of it. But it was just these two doulas who did like an, kind of like a podcast, but you could see them. So it was a series of videos, Practically Pain-Free, and they went through ways to go through labor, Practically Pain-Free. Of course it's going to hurt. It's always going to hurt. But it was just kind of a guideline and they had, they talked about stuff and it was like, I think it was a $100 course, but it was like 12 videos. But they just talked about all sorts of stuff as far as letting your body do what it needs to do. And so that was also helpful. And I asked a lot of people their laboring stories. I just asked all the women I knew, tell me about your delivery. And that's really the only preparation I did. I found it hard to find time to watch the videos, and then I would read the book in my pool. So other than that, since I was working full time, I feel like I really didn't have a lot of time to prep other than those things.

So from being around you during your pregnancy, I also know that there were some physical challenges to your pregnancy. Are you comfortable sharing those with us?

I had terrible carpal tunnel. Not only did my body hurt, of course, because your back starts to hurt and things like that, which I did get like a pregnancy belt, which really helped me kind of hold up your belly a little bit. And it gave some back support. But the thing that was the worst was my carpal tunnel. So about two or three months before my due date, I lost all feeling in my hands. They were really tingly, kind of like when your fingers, when your hands are asleep. I couldn't feel anything. And since I was doing art in the art room, I couldn't really do art. And when I would do it, it would, my hands would start to ache and hurt really bad. And so that was terrible. And I started going to a physical therapy for it, and she was pretty much like, yeah, I mean, I can do things to help you. But honestly, it's just you being pregnant. So your, you know, your veins, I think your veins get bigger. You have more, you have like 90% now, don't quote me on that. You have a lot more blood in your body. Maybe it's 40%, I don't know. And so your wrists are, you know, you have a lot more blood flowing through them, and they just worked, it was terrible. I had to get little like compression gloves, what it was called, for work, and I used that. And then I would sleep in braces, because I would wake up with my, because I sleep like, I don't know if it's T-Rex arms, where your hands are like, this is like college, and where your hands are like all tucked up under you while you're sleeping. And I would wake up and they would hurt so bad, and my whole arm would be asleep. And so the braces just kind of helped my wrists stay not bent while I was sleeping. And that was uncomfortable, of course, but not wearing it was even more uncomfortable. So that was probably the biggest difficulty because it made working really hard. I mean, I can't remember. I mean, you were there the whole time I was pregnant. Was there anything else I complained about that you remember? No, I mean, it's kind of a foggy thing. Like you're just kind of prepping for this huge date. And I just feel like some of it's kind of foggy to me.

Sure, no. I mean, it makes sense that it would be foggy too, just with there's so much that you're preparing for and so much that you're juggling and, you know, getting ready for this and that and navigating this new thing. So it makes sense. I don't remember much else other than, oh, your heartburn. I feel like you had a really bad heartburn.

Yeah, I've always kind of struggled with heartburn, but yeah, it was terrible. I mean, I was eating, I was eating the recommended daily dose of TUMS a day. It was only supposed to be like five a day, and I was like topping off at five a day.

But yeah, I also kind of always struggled with that. So like I said, it was just kind of more.

Another thing, so when I was doing my nursery, getting the nursery ready for my baby, the trim was like this dark brown painted color. It wasn't even like a stain. It was dark brown glob paint on the trim of the whole room. And so I thought, well, I at least want to sand the trim and paint it white because it bugged me that it was like this globby brown paint. So I'm sanding the brown paint off so I can paint it white. And I realized it's like coming off in big chunks. And one of the chunks went into the wall and peeled off a huge part of the finish on the wall, like the texture. And then I started realizing that a lot, I started pulling on it and big chunks of texture were coming off my wall. So I didn't know what to do. And so I actually asked my friend John, who I spoke about earlier, because he's kind of the handyman of the, he's just a handyman. And he told me that what happened is they probably had wallpaper in that room originally, and they just stuccoed over the wallpaper. So all this stucco, all the texture in the whole room was peeling off like wallpaper would. And so, you know, I'm like seven to eight months pregnant, probably seven, six to seven months pregnant. And I now have this huge task in redoing this room, if I want my baby to have a nursery. And so what we had to do is we had to peel off all the pieces that were coming up, sand the edges of the parts that hadn't come up. Then we had to primer it, sand it again, primer it again. Then my friend John came over with his big old industrial texture gun, and I learned how to texture, put on wall texture, which was kind of fun. And we textured the wall together, and then we let it dry, and then my sweet dad came over, and he primed and then painted all the walls. That ended up being one of the last times that I spent just one on one time with my dad. And it's a really good memory of us doing the nursery together. But this thing that ended up being like, oh my gosh, how am I gonna get this nursery done? I'm seven months pregnant. I had to wear a gas mask the whole time while we're painting and priming, and sanding, and all this stuff, because I can't be breathing any of that stuff in while I'm pregnant. And sorry, my dad was just really sweet. He was like, no, no, you're very pregnant. You go lay down. And he pretty much did the two coats of primer and painted. We painted the room pink. And I went with my friend to the Hobby Lobby, and we got cute things for the wall. And I had the room done. I wanted the room done by the baby shower, which was in June, and it was not. But I did have it done by the time she was born. So yeah, that was just something that wouldn't be that big of a deal. If you weren't pregnant, then becomes this huge task while you're pregnant, because you can't do any of it alone. You have to wear a gas mask the whole time. You shouldn't be climbing on ladders to get the paint. It's just things that seem like it would be easy becomes harder when you're pregnant. And also, at seven months pregnant, my body was starting to hurt really bad. So it was just hard. It was a challenge I didn't expect.

Sure. No. And thank you for sharing that sweet experience and memory that it turned into, right?

Yeah.

And just such a tender thing for you to have this room that you all worked on together for your sweet daughter and to have worked on it with your sweet dad and something that you thought would turn out one way, turned out very differently. But I'm glad that it adds that layer of extra love and extra specialness. So thank you for sharing that.

Labor: Pain Reality Check, Epidural Relief, & Squatted Pushing

Of course. Okay, so labor. So I had no Braxton Hicks. I was actually going to acupuncture. My sweet sister-in-law, who I mentioned earlier, she said, she said, why don't you go to acupuncture for your carpal tunnel? And I said, oh, that's a great idea. And then I had told her, so I had an ultrasound woman tell me that I was too overweight to go full term. And she said that my, because my, my baby's head was like down in my pelvis. I mean, she was ready for a while. And I had had some intestinal issues when I was born. My intestines didn't form right. And so I was really worried about my baby's intestines. Like, what if she has the same thing I had? And so I wanted to get her intestines checked.

So I went and I got like a extensive ultrasound where they do more extensive photoing than they do in your normal doctor's office. And she was the one who told me, she kind of fat shamed me. She was like, you're too overweight. You need to, she didn't say it like that. She said, your BMI is too high. You should not go full term. Your baby is going to be small because of your weight. And I started to freak out. Then when I went to my doctor's office, who I really liked my doctor, but I was like, yeah, so this lady, she kind of made me feel like I was putting my baby in danger by being overweight. And so she recommended that I deliver a week early. Do you feel that that is necessary? And she didn't really like fat shame me, but she also didn't disagree with the doctor. She said, I do think we should deliver at 39 weeks. And at that point, I was just like, well, okay. Like if two doctors are now telling me I need to deliver at 39 weeks, the risk is your baby being a stillborn. If your BMI is too high and you go full term, which I know lots of women who are heavier than me and went full term, but regardless, you're just scared of stuff when you're pregnant. And so I was, because my gyno said, yeah, we should have it 39 weeks, I was going to get induced.

So I had, my schedule to get induced was the 20th, was August 20th, and my due date was the 27th. And, but I had been going to acupuncture for my carpal tunnel. And they had also said that they could help induction naturally with acupuncture. And so I was going for both. I was getting acupuncture for carpal tunnel, and I was getting acupuncture for induction. And so I was supposed to be checked in to the hospital the night of the 20th, and they were gonna give me pitocin and do this weird balloon thing where they put a balloon up you and they inflated. And well, I actually went into labor on the morning of the 20th. So, you know, probably 14 hours before I was supposed to check in to the hospital. And it was like 3 a.m. And I thought, oh, I kind of feel, they feel a little bit like period cramps, but a little bit at first, they feel like period cramps. And I started, I was kind of having them in my sleep and they were kind of keeping me awake, but I was kind of drifting in and out of sleep still. I had real bad insomnia while I was pregnant. And so I didn't sleep well anyways. I was kind of going in and out and then around four, I woke up and I'm like, okay, I think these are labor pains. And then I waited and I was having about every 30 minutes. And so then about 5.30, I woke my husband up and I said, I think I'm in labor.

And I called my doctor and they said, don't go to the hospital. Do not go to the hospital until you've been laboring five, your contractions are five minutes apart for two hours or more. And I'm like, okay. And they said, and also don't bring your stuff into the hospital because they'll send you home right away if you have your overnight bag and everything with you. I'm like, what? They're like, yeah, I don't know why. And they're like, so go in there and just without any of your stuff and just tell them that you've been laboring for more than two hours for 30 minutes apart or more. So I was laboring and I got in the shower and I labored in the shower for a little bit because I really like water. Being in water helped me while I was pregnant, too. I have a little pool that I set up every year. And it's just one of the ones you get at Walmart, the thousand gallon one where it has a filter but no heater. And I sat in there for hours while I was pregnant. And it was really nice on my back. So fast forward to the, I'm laboring in the shower and it was starting to be painful. Like I thought, I have a high pain tolerance. I've had really bad periods my whole life. I'll be fine. But I mean, it was bad. And I don't want to scare any moms out there, but I mean, you expect it to hurt, it hurts.

And so then it had been about an hour and a half. And I was like, we need to go to the hospital. Like this is hurting me. Like I don't know how much longer I can take this. And I had been two centimeters dilated for about a month at this point, because you know, they check you every time you go into the gyno. So I get to the hospital and they put me in a little room before admitting me and they check me and they're like, you're only two centimeters, we really can't admit you until you're four. And I was like, oh my gosh. And they're like, yeah, so we're gonna wait about an hour or two and see if you dilate anymore. And then we will admit you if you do, if not, we're gonna send you home. And I was like, oh my gosh, please don't send me home. I don't know if I can labor home for any longer. Like I am ready, I'm ready to do this now. Please don't send me home. Like I just dreaded the fact of coming home and having to labor at home because I was in a lot of pain. And I've also, as far as my bad periods go, is I used to puke a lot on my periods. I'd be in so much pain that I would just throw up.

So the part of the book, The Labor Line Like a Goddess, and the videos that I watched, The Practically No Pain, is one of the things I read in it was, contractions are doing something. There, when you, usually when you get hurt, you tense up because it stops the pain. And so while you're having contractions, your go-to or your instinct is to tense up because it helps the pain. But your contractions are opening your cervix. So I was laying in the in the bed, and every time I had a contraction, I would focus it like, okay, it's opening your cervix. I don't know if that helped, but I was like focusing it to let to let my cervix open. And finally, it had been about two hours, and I ended up getting really nauseous and throwing up. And so I'm super glad they didn't send me home because then my baby's heart rate started dropping because they'll put a monitor in, they'll start monitoring her heart rate as soon as you get there. Thank God, I opened up two more centimeters and they were able to admit me and they put an IV in and they got me upstairs and I got the epidural because I was like, there's no way I can do this, I feel like I'm dying.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, so I got the epidural and my husband was like, the difference between before and after the epidural was night and day. Like, I could barely talk before the epidural, I was really nauseous, I was just laying there in pain. And as soon as I got the epidural, I was like, all right, cool, I'm ready to do this. I was like myself again, I was making jokes and I was laughing, I was having a good time. And the first nurse that came in was like somebody, my husband and I would have been friends with, she was really cool, she went to music shows, she had dreads, like she was just, we were being all friendly with her. And it was just really, it was, I wasn't in pain anymore. And I was excited then to now, I'm here, I'm ready to have my baby, and I'm not puking everywhere anymore. So, but then only one of the sides of my body felt the epidural. So they were like, well, just push the button a few more times. So I did, but then I think I had way too much of the drug because then I was completely numb. She was like, why don't you try it? Why don't you try to push a few times?

And I did, and they were like, and I'm like, am I pushing? And she's like, no. And I'm like, okay.

So they were like, well, just don't press the drug button for a little bit, and we'll see how it goes. And then the labor had slowed because I had gotten the epidural. So then they did have to give me some pitocin to kind of start the labor up again. And she was in the birth canal, but like I said, she was down in my pelvic area, ready to go for about a month. But as soon as they kind of started monitoring her, like her head was just a little bit crooked in the birth canal. So they put this like little, they like stuck this little thing up me and put it on her head so that they could see the position of her head. And so they were like moving me in all different directions and having me lay with kind of my legs up in the air and stuff so that they could try to kind of straighten out her head before I started pushing. Also, I didn't, I needed to let some of the epidural wear off before I could start pushing. So we did that for a couple of hours. And then I started to feel the pain again, because I hadn't pressed my medicine button in a long time. And I was starting to feel nauseous again. And so I was like, I asked the nurse, I said, what do I do? I'm starting to really feel sick again. And they said, just press it once. And so I just pressed it once, the button, and I felt a lot better. And so then they were like, okay, well, I think it's time to start pushing. But it's hard, because you can't feel anything to push. And I couldn't push on my back because her heart rate would drop. So I had to transition between holding on to a labor bar and kind of being squatted, and then turning around and kind of holding on to the back of the bed and being squatted. And I pushed for two and a half hours before the doctor finally came up and said, if you don't push this baby out, we're going to have to do a c-section at three hours. And I was like, no, no, no. So when the doctor finally gets up there, it's like you're really close to delivering because most of the time, almost the entire time is just nurses up there with you. And so the doctor's up there and she's like, push, push, push harder. I'm like, push harder? You don't think I've been pushing my can this whole time? Push harder? Shut up. I'm pushing as hard as I can.

But she ended up, I think, kind of my baby's head was like, I was crowning and she kind of, I kind of felt her like, stick her hand inside me and maybe latch her two little fingers like on my baby's shoulders and just kind of like help me pull the rest of the way out. And then she was born at 1234. She was born at 1234 on August 21st, which is the solstice, which we thought was really cool. Our anniversary is also the 22nd, which we thought was really cool. And she was a Leo. She's a Leo like my dad was. So I thought that was really cool. And she didn't cry at first and I was freaking out, but then she did. And my husband is really sweet. The nurse asked, do you want me to take pictures? And I'm so glad the nurse asked that because my husband wasn't in any state of mind to be taking pictures. So I have a bunch of pictures of her being pulled out of me, which some of them are gross, but they're cool pictures to have. And also this really sweet picture of my husband being like, you did it, good job. And he has his hand on my face and the baby's on my chest and him cutting the umbilical cord. I mean, the nurse took a lot of really wonderful pictures. So definitely recommend it if there's a nurse and they're willing to do that. And yeah, and she was born and she, she was perfect. It was, it was just, she was so wonderful. 

Breastfeeding: A Tongue Tie Mystery

And we were in the hospital for about a day and they were like, well, we can send you home. But then right before we were about to leave, she ended up having a little bit of jaundice. So we ended up staying a few more days. And I was really happy because I was scared as a first time mom to go home after like 24 hours or maybe it was 42. But I didn't like she hadn't had her first bath yet. Like none of that we hadn't, I wasn't ready. I was not ready to go home yet. And so I'm really glad. I'm not glad that she had jaundice of course, because that's scary. And supposedly a lot of babies at this elevation in Colorado have jaundice a lot because it's an elevation thing. So they she had to sit under this little blue light for a while for like 24 hours. And so that was like kind of scary because she's just this little baby sitting under this little blue light and but me and my husband were taking turns sleeping and she was really fine.

I was really struggling with breastfeeding so we ended up giving her donor milk which I think ended up making the breastfeeding journey harder because then she got used to a bottle. But thank God for that donor milk whoever whatever sweet moms are donating their breast milk to the hospital thank you because I don't know what I would have done because she wasn't latching very well. She also I feel like her neck was like sore from being crooked in the birth canal for two and a half hours. So I don't know if that was the problem, but she ended up being okay to go home a couple days later and her jaundice was was good. It got better. So like I said, she didn't have a very good latch. And so I was really struggling breastfeeding and we had wonderful insurance through Trader Joe's at least I thought I ended up finding out that my insurance did not cover a lactation consultant and I fought back and forth with them a lot.

But at the time I had thought my insurance covered a lactation consultant. So I got one and she came to my house and she was helpful, but also not. I feel like she freaked me out. My baby was small. She was born at seven pounds, four ounces and she lost weight that first week that she was in the hospital, probably because she wasn't able to breastfeed. And we were doing donor milk. And she was also, oh, I think she swallowed some amniotic fluid. So she would drink a whole bottle and then puke half of it up. And so she lost some weight. And so I was really worried about her size. And so she just wasn't super good at breastfeeding. We finally got her on the boo, but she would take a long time to eat. And my lactation consultant, like I said, she was helpful, but she also freaked me out. She'd be like, well, you know, if she's nursing for more than 30 minutes, then she's just burning calories and you're not getting. So what I was doing was I was pumping and then feeding, or I was trying to put her on the boob, and then I would feed her a bottle and then I would pump. And newborn babies eat like every two hours, if not every hour. And so that was a constant. I was constantly feeding her a bottle, trying to get her to laugh, and then pumping and feeding her the bottle. And then it would be like 20 minutes, and then I would do it again. And I ended up the doctor, I had a weird issue with my doctor's office. So I went to one and then I ended up having to go to a different one because they couldn't get me in for her like two week. And this doctor was like, oh, if I were you, I'd give up on breastfeeding. And I started crying because I'm like getting no sleep. And I'm, you know, I really, really want to breastfeed. And she's like, oh, I would give up. And I was like, what? She's like, yeah, if you're, it's called like triple feeding or whatever. If you pump, try to latch, then give a bottle, then pump. You, she's like, you're gonna, you're gonna drain yourself if you continue to do that. She said, I would give it another week and I would give up. And I was so upset because I didn't want to give up. And so we ended up stopping going to her. And I mean, we ended up finding a different doctor to go to.

But I'm really glad that I continued the journey because I think that my personal opinion is that breastfeeding is much better than formula. And I really wanted that connection with my baby. And the other thing that my lactation consultant kept saying was, I think she has a tongue tie. I said, well, why do you think she has a tongue tie? Well, cause she's not nursing while she would say. And I said, you know, I looked up all this stuff about tongue ties and usually you can see the tongue tie. It's like a little piece of skin underneath the tongue that is very extended. You can see it under the tongue. But I'm looking under her tongue and I'm like, well, I don't see anything. And my sister-in-law's baby had a tongue tie. And the thing is the surgery doesn't really hurt the babies because their mouths don't have a lot of nerve endings in them yet. But what does hurt them is you have to stretch because your mouth heals so fast. You have to go in there and do stretches and open up the mouth every like two hours. And the babies hate that. And so this was like, well, we don't want to get this tongue tie surgery unless she 100% needs it. But we could not get a... Like the lactation consultant couldn't tell me for sure if she had a tongue tie. The lactation consultant said, well, I have a couple of dentists that I work very closely in town with. And if you go into this dentist that I recommend, they can do surgery same day. And her feeding will be much better after like two days. And I'm like, okay. And then my husband said, but if we go to this dentist and he looks at her mouth, is he gonna tell us for sure if she has a tongue tie or not? And the lactation consultant said, well, no, he usually just goes off of my recommendation. And that we both thought, well, that's a little weird. Because I think that nowadays tongue tie surgeries are done more often than they need to be. And because I think it's like, oh, the baby has problem feeding, it must be a tongue tie, let's just get in there and cut it. So she also, so my lactation consultant said that she thought she had four tongue ties. So one under her tongue, there's a tie that can be up, like if you can stick your finger up, like by your canines, you can stick your finger pretty far up there. As you can tell that my talking is weird because I just did it.

No, I got you though, it's a good visual, yeah.

So then, you have a tongue tie on your cheek, and then you can have one on your upper lip between your two front teeth where they would be. And so she said, oh, she has all four, I think you need to go get them cut. And I'm like, I'm going back and forth, and I'm sleep deprived, and I'm worried about her feeding, and I'm anxious about does she have a tongue tie? Is she feeding? Is she getting enough food? You know, and so that was terrible. Like, talk about postpartum things to go through. Like, I was just so worried about my baby, and if she was getting enough food, and if I should continue breastfeeding, and if I should get the tongue tie surgery, and all this stuff.

And then I went to my pediatrician, and I said, hey, you know, my lactation consultant is recommending this, and we're not really sure if she needs it. And she said, okay, here's a recommendation to another pediatric dentist that doesn't have anything to do with your lactation consultant, who will look at her mouth and tell us what he thinks. And I said, great. So we went there. Our insurance didn't even, he didn't even take our insurance, but I didn't care. I said, we're gonna go to this guy. And he was so cool. He was like, okay, before you tell me anything, before I read any lactation notes, before I do anything, I'm just gonna look at her mouth, and then I'm gonna read all this stuff, and I'm gonna tell you what I see. And he was this, you know, young doctor, which I say young, but now I'm in my thirties. He was like my age. And he was just very cool. And he looked at her mouth and he said, she doesn't have a tongue tie under her tongue at all. There's nothing even there for me to cut. Second of all, her lips are fine. The only tongue tie she has is right on her upper lip. But here's the thing, I would not do the surgery for that. He said, I don't think that it's affecting her feeding enough. He said, I can do it if you want me to, but I wouldn't recommend it. He said, my daughters had worse tongue ties, and I didn't even do the surgery on them. And we were like, oh, thank you. Like it was such a relief for this doctor to say, she doesn't need surgery. He said, I could cut the little piece of skin up between her two front teeth, but he said, I would rather wait till her adult teeth start growing in, and then she knows what's going on. She knows this little surgery is gonna hurt, and you're gonna have to do the stretches, but it's gonna be healed in about a week. It's way better to do the surgery. They say that you should do the surgery before four months because your baby doesn't have nerve endings in their mouth, but they also don't know what's going on. My dad also passed away while she was three months, so that was on, him dying was on top of all of this tongue tie situation I was dealing with, and so I felt like I was on this timeline, oh, you have to go get it snipped before four months if you're gonna do it. And after four months, it gets way, way worse, and my lactation consultant was pushing it so bad on me to get this tongue tie surgery. And I kinda started to think, I wonder if she gets kickbacks or something from this doctor that she was trying to send us to if he's able to do a tongue tie surgery.

Oh, I also had to use a nipple shield because she could not stay latched, which is another reason why my lactation consultant thought she had a tongue tie, because she was having a really hard time staying latched on my nipple. So I had to use this little plastic nipple guard, which made feeding so much harder because you couldn't just pop the baby on your boob. You had to like open, like put this little plastic thing on your boob and then get her onto the boob and then hold her. And my hands were still numb. I didn't get feeling in my hands until like a month after. So I'm like trying to hold my baby up to my boob and I can't even feel her. And I can't feel if she's on my boob because of the, it was just, it was so hard. It was so hard. I'd be thinking, oh, she latched twice today without a nipple shield. And I feel like I got a full feed from her because what I would do is I would feed and then I would pump. And also my supply wasn't doing great because she wasn't, I was just pumping, she wasn't eating. So I was taking Mother Love and it's like Malinga or something like that. I will get you the actual name. But that helped a lot. Also power pumping helped a lot. If you pump for 20 minutes, you wait 10 minutes, then you pump for 10 minutes, and then you wait 10 minutes and you pump for 10 more minutes because it's telling your body, I know you've pumped everything out, but we need more. And so I did that for three days and it helps my milk supply a lot. And also the Mother Love helped my milk supply a lot. So I was doing all those things and I ended up finding out, it's my nipples. It wasn't my baby's mouth. It wasn't her tongue tie. It was my nipples the whole time. And she still, my right nipple doesn't protrude very much and she still kind of has a hard time. She's much better at it now, but she likes the left one a lot better because it protrudes more. And so yeah, after all that, I ended up finding out it was, yeah, it was my nipples, not her mouth.

And even though my insurance told me that I was wrong, I ended up filing an appeal with my insurance company because I said, there's no way, you had to have told me that lactation was covered because I would not have gotten a lactation consultant unless you told me that. I said, please go back to the recordings, listen to the recordings from August 26th, 27th, whatever it was that I called you guys. And they said, well, we listened to the recordings and we told you that it wasn't covered. And I'm like, no, there's no way I would not have heard that and said, okay, and went and got a lactation consultant. I know for a fact, but it was fighting it back and forth. And the Lactation Network, which is who gave me my lactation consultant, ended up covering everything. So I didn't have to pay a dime for lactation because they said, you know, oh, we're still fighting your insurance, but whatever your insurance doesn't cover, we cover. So highly recommended the Lactation Network.

Not, wouldn't recommend my lactation consultant, but just, you don't vibe with some people. She would come over and I would be like, oh yeah, we did great. She latched twice and we did this. And then she would weigh her and be like, well, she's not taking very much. And she would freak me out because what she would, what we would do is weighed feedings. So she would weigh her and then she would eat. And she had a very, very nice, very technical, that's not the word, but scale. And so she would weigh the baby after she ate. And that way she could see how much food she was in taking. And so I would be thinking, oh yeah, we did good this week. And then she would come over and she would weigh my baby. And she'd be like, no, she's only in the fifth percentile. This is terrible. And I would like start to freak out again. And I ended up crying after like every time she left. So I have mixed feelings about the lactation consultant. I think she was good, but I also don't think she was great.

Thank you for sharing such a detailed experience of your breastfeeding journey. I feel like we sometimes hear little snippets of this and that. But I mean, a strength that you've always had is just being really vivid in how you describe things. And I feel like I've learned more about how to be perseverant through that. And so thank you for sharing that. I know that we need to wrap up. I know you've got so much on your plate. 

To My Pre-Mom Self…

I just wanted to end with asking you, what would you go back and tell yourself at any stage in your pregnancy? What would you say to your past self knowing what you know now

You're stronger than you think, and you're going to be able to do it. I feel like as women, we don't have a lot of faith in ourselves. And as women, we're bad asses. And we are made to do this. Our bodies are made to have kids. Also, since I'm religious, I would say just have faith that God's going to take care of you because he did. And even losing my dad at her three months was terrible, but he got us all through it. So you just have faith in yourself. And if you're religious, have faith in God that things are going to be okay.

Beautiful, beautiful. Well, thank you so much, sweet friend. I am so grateful for you, and I'm just amazed by you. It's been such a blessing and a treasure to have just an inside look throughout your whole pregnancy and throughout your motherhood experience as your friend. And I just want to tell you that I think you're amazing and that Zoe and Kyle are just so blessed, and I'm so blessed to be your friend. And so thank you so much for coming on and sharing your experience and being so honest about all parts of it. And I'm excited to continue to see you rock momhood and see sweet Zoe just get even more cute and more smiley. So thank you for being on today.

Of course, thanks for having me. 

A big thanks to Kylie for being our first ever guest and reminding us all to believe in ourselves, believe that things will work out. Also, an even bigger thanks to you for being here. Remember how I said if you're listening, you're automatically my friend? Well, if you made it this far, know that you are officially my bestie. So if you like the show, subscribe so we can hang out next Tuesday and bring a friend by sharing this episode or leaving a review. All right, friend, see you same time next week. K, love you, bye!